You didn’t really fall for that…oh god, you did.

I didn’t handle this detail, but we all heard about it and I just had to pass along this little gem. This one falls under “Job Security”. Please to enjoy…

One fine sunny day in the fine Town of, well Town, a gentleman (let’s call him Rube, shall we?) was at the local big box store when he was approached by a HMA (Hispanic Male Adult). The basic story is HMA asks Rube, in broken English, if he could help direct him to an attorney’s office. Rube told HMA he didn’t really understand him. Enter HWG (Helpful White Guy). HWG tells Rube he can translate. HMA speaks to HWG for a minute or so.

HWG tells Rube that HMA has a winning lottery ticket, but because he is not a legal citizen, he is unable to claim the $11 million prize. HWG suggested he and Rube buy the ticket from HMA and split the prize money. HMA seems amenable to this plan.

Rube says HWG took the ticket from HMA and called a phone number on the back of the lottery ticket. HWG told Rube he verified authenticity of the ticket and it was in fact worth $11 million dollars. HWG asked HMA how much he wanted for the ticket. HMA said $40,000. Seems like a deal, doesn’t it?

HWG walked over to his car, came back a few minutes later with several large stacks of money. You know, like we all have in our cars. HWG told Rube he had a total of $30,000 on him and if Rube provided the balance of $10,000, they’d be good to go.

With me so far? You see where this is going? Folks, Rube(s) exist. But the stupidity isn’t done yet…

Rube agrees to the deal and the three of them get in Rube’s car and drive to the local branch of Rube’s bank where he withdraws a total of $3,550. Rube then drove them to another bank where he withdrew $5,000 against his credit card. Rube told HWG that was all he could get…he was going to be short $1,450. HWG, being the nice guy he is, told Rube it was no problem, he’d cover the short-coming and they’d just subtract it from the winnings. ‘Cause, if you’ve got 30 G’s in your fucking car, ponying up another $1,450 ain’t no thing, you know?

Think the plan is over? Are you cringing yet? Rube’s idiocy apparently knows no bounds…

Rube and HWG gave HMA the money. As agreed, HMA gave Rube the ticket. HWG suggests he and Rube drive to the local gas-n-sip to claim their prize. I mean, what gas-n-sip doesn’t keep a cool 11 mil in the back for just such an occasion? Prior to arriving there, however, HMA asked Rube to stop at the local drug store so HMA could purchase some prescription meds. They arrived and HMA gave Rube a piece of paper with the name of a prostate medication (how that came up I’ve no idea) written on it and asked him if he could get the meds for him. HMA claimed they wouldn’t sell to him what with his questionable immigration status and all.

Rube said he would. (I’m pretty sure Rube sounds just like Goofy, by the way…”Hyuck, sure I can do it for you, hyuck hyuck). Rube went inside to get the meds. Oddly enough, the pharmacist said he couldn’t purchase the meds without a valid scrip from a doctor. Huh. Rube goes back out to deliver the bad news to HMA and his prostate, but lo and behold HMA and HWG are gone.

Later that night, Rube hops on his trusty computer to the Lottery website. Know what? Fake fucking ticket! No!

Thank you, Rube. You make me feel like Mr. f’n Wizard…

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

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