I’ve posted repeatedly about folks’ general lack of common sense. There was the lady who decided to follow behind me, unbeknownst to me, while I searched her house for possible intruders. There was the man that did the same thing just a couple of weeks ago. The common theme in those two instances was the possibility of both of them having a sense of victimization (one in her head, the other in reality).
This post, although it has a similar theme, is different because the incident doesn’t involve anyone I was directing, well, directly.
Toward the end of my shift a couple weeks ago, there was a major collision. Like Dukes of Hazzard major. I can’t post pics because the investigation is on-going (and I’m not involved, thank you, God!) but I can tell you it was the second most destroyed car I’ve ever seen in person. The engine block was outside the car. Awesome in the truest sense of the word. At any rate, all the excitement is over. All the involved parties are on their ways to various medical-type facilities. Now, we’re waiting on tow trucks and clean up.
Myself and a partner were directing traffic. For the sake of discussion, I’ll describe the intersection as a freeway onramp/offramp access north/south and a less than major, but more than minor, east/west city street. There is a big ass Fire Truck (Note: Truck, not Engine, HM) blocking just about the entire east/west bound street. The signal lights are still functioning, but it’s the middle of the afternoon and there are two uniformed officers in the intersection in full view directing traffic.
My main question is this…why the fuck do everyday, mostly intelligent, normal people, turn into drooling, slack-jawed, dipshits if someone directs them to a different direction than they originally wanted to go? Example:
MC (repeatedly waving/pointing westbound): Keep moving!
Slack Jawed Yokel: But I’s a wanna go right!
MC: Well, you can’t.
SJY: But I’s live up thar.
MC: Interesting, but see that big shiny red truck that is COMPLETELY BLOCKING YOUR RIGHT TURN ACCESS??!?!?! That means you can’t go that way, good sir.
SJY (spits chaw): How’re I gunna git to m’house?
MC (cracks tooth from clenching jaw): I’m terribly sorry, sir, but there was a major injury collision in that intersection. Thank you ever so much for your expressed sympathy for the involved parties, by the way, awfully thoughtful of you. However, I’m going to have to humbly request one last time, that you TURN LEFT NOW!
My other favorite (read: irritating) habit of directing traffic is the rubber-necker. You know, the moron that has to crane his/her head at some heinous angle to get even a smidge of a glimpse at what they secretly hope is some carnage. This buffoon drives forward, kind of in the direction I indicate, with absolutely no attention paid to that direction.
I actually lost my voice yelling at people. Now, I know some of you will say, “You should get a whistle, MC.” There are those that have them, but I like the yelling. Exorcises me demons and makes me feel alive. :p