By now, you all know me well enough to know that I can spin a yarn or two. Sure, I have a minor ability to make what may very well be a boring traffic-related story into something a little more entertaining when I include my inner dialog. That being said, though, you should also know that the basis behind the stories I tell you are factual. In other words, I’m not good enough to make this shit up. These stories involve your fellow man (gender neutral, of course).
Keep that in mind when you read the following. Earlier this month, I was dispatched to a pretty spectacular solo vehicle collision. Nothing particularly sexy about it, though. New teenage driver looking to make a lane change looked over her right shoulder. This seemingly innocuous move caused her to gently (and naturally) pulled the wheel to the left. Try it yourself (when safe, of course). If your left hand is on the wheel at around the 10 o’clock position, give a good head turn to the right and see if your hand doesn’t naturally pull the wheel counter clockwise. Her result? WHAM…right into a tree.
At any rate, my partner, DogBoy (our K9), and I were in the midst of the wreckage when a car headed in the opposite direction asked us, “What happened?”
I’m not kidding.
Really? What happened? Apparently, your observational skills suck on ice. Can you not see the complete destruction of what used to be a brand new Toyota Camry? Can you not see the tree seriously listing to one side?
Questions like this are so very irritating for a number of reasons. First, you look like a complete moron. It couldn’t be more obvious what happened, for crying out loud. Second, you’re a rubber necker. I f’n hate rubber neckers. You know what they cause? Other f’n collisions! Those LEOs that read this blog can attest to that very fact. Finally, asking a question like that makes you look like a complete moron.
Yes, I realize I said that one twice. Remember something, folks…they’re morons. They need to be reminded repeatedly. Repetition is key.
The best part of the story is my partner’s and my response to the question. What happened?
DogBoy: Plane Crash.
MC: Meteor Strike.
Even Fire laughed. Although the Capt. told us later the driver called us assholes. I’ll go ahead and chalk that up to it taking one to know one.