Traffic stops are like a box of chocolates…

…sometimes you get some nasty shit you’d never want to put in your mouth. Allow me to expand.

Yesterday, I stopped a car for following too close. When I made contact with the driver, I couldn’t help but notice a couple things. First, there was an infant wailing away in the back seat. Second, the driver was pretty damn young. As in, “oops we got pregnant” too young.

I was half-bent anyway since she took her sweet ass time yielding, but after hearing the kid trying to make sounds that would make my dogs cry, I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

I went back to my car and ran her out. Dammit. Warrant. Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. What’s it for? PC 647(b) – Prostitution. Oh, did I forget to mention she’s 18? It’s not a warrant out of my jurisdiction, so dispatch needs to confirm the warrant with the issuing agency. The most important question I need answered besides the warrant being good is, “Is it cite-releasable”. That means I can just give her a ticket and she can take her spawn and gone on about her day. If it’s not, then I have to try and get a hold of family for the little one. If that doesn’t happen…CFS time. Grumble.

Whilst I’m waiting for the warrant to be confirmed, I write out the ticket for the moving violation. You better believe I’m getting my ticket out of her. I walked back to her car and tell her, “You know you’ve got a warrant right?” Her universal reply was, “I swear I took care of it.” Yeah, sure you did.

Turns out, she did. And thank the good Lord for it. Sure, I didn’t an arrest stat out of it, but I did get my bread and butter mover and she got to take her love child and get the hell out of my Town.

For those of you wondering, ’cause I know there are some of you out there…Absolutely not. Not with a 10′ cattle prod. Yucky, yucky. Now go back and read the title of this post and the sentence immediately at the beginning of the post. Yup, that’s right. And we’ve come full circle.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

6 thoughts on “Traffic stops are like a box of chocolates…

  1. If there was a warrant outstanding notice on your computer and then you went to check on it, I am curious how often are the notices of an outstanding warrant wrong?

  2. Edi,

    It's not uncommon, but it is rare. This was the first I've had in five years, if that gives you an idea.


  3. You truly DO posses the cutest blog on the block. I wanna pinch it's fat little cheeks.

    P.S. my captcha for this comment is "hootrish"…kinda like that chick you stopped.

  4. If some doof goes out and hires a lawyer, we usually cut them a break (within reason.) If somebody just fights the ticket, the DAs office doesn't even get a call. Its only if they get some slickmeister that we have to head over to the courthouse and get involved.

    So I do a quick calculus- if this douche just paid a lawyer $250 to beat an infraction worth $150, and I'll have to spend about an hour dealing with it, is it worth it to fight? Usually no. So I plead them to "coasting" or flicking their high-beams while on the side of the road, which costs them $150 anyway, but avoids the point on their license. I figure $400 and 2 or 3 mornings of missed work is punishment enough.

    Obviously, if they have a driving record like Sammy Haggar, or do truly dangerous shit, I'll do the trial. Or of they piss me off by being a whiner. I fucking HATE that.

    Anyway, I've had to do traffic trials with literally 5 minutes notice. The receptionist calls and tells me they need a DA in the traffic department, and the cop briefs me on the facts as I walk across the parking lot to the courthouse. And I always win.

    Moral of the story- as Fletcher Reede from Liar, Liar put it so succinctly- "STOP BREAKIN' THE LAW, ASSHOLE!" And if you do, just go to traffic school or pay the damn ticket.

    OMG- the capcha for this post is "offeence" hahahhahaaha

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