The Return of the Twofer

I fear they are multiplying!


Consider this an artist’s rendering of the species Twofer.

And here I thought the Irritable Biker was going to take the cake this week, but then I met another Twofer. You can read about my other run-ins with Twofers here and here.

It never ceases to amaze me how seemingly normal and kind people absolutely lose every shred of common human decency during a traffic stop.

Before I go to deep down the rabbit hole, it would behoove you to remember the following definition of the Twofer:

Twofer n. A person (note the lack of distinction of sex/race/orientation/religion/political affiliation/etc.) that, after receiving a citation, becomes so enraged that they, perhaps in a show of defiance, violate yet another vehicle code. Thus, necessitating a second citation.

To wit:

I was waiting on a green light when I saw a lady (term used extremely loosely) roll past me with her cell phone in her hand. She was in the middle of a turn and was looking down the entire time. I hit the lights and made a U-turn.

Upon contacting her, I told her I stopped her for operating her phone while she was driving as it appeared to me she was reading.

“Oh, no,” she said. “I wasn’t reading. I was talking.”

[Also a violation.]

“Using speaker phone?” I asked.

“Yes. Can I not do that?”

Folks, here in the lowest state on the Left Coast, we’ve had a hands free law since July of ’09. This law isn’t new and she’s playing ignorant on me.

“No, ma’am, you can’t. It’s a hands-free law.” I politely informed her.

I got her information, wrote the ticket, and returned to her car a couple of minutes later.

And that’s where things get interesting.

“I’LL SEE YOU IN COURT!!” She yelled.

Mind you, I’m right next to the passenger window. Like three f’n feet from her. I can hear her just fine; however, it seems her rage operates in a dimension that doesn’t grasp proximity. It was so out of left field, all I could think to say was, “Wow. I suppose I’ll see you there, then.”

I turned to walk away and that’s when I heard it.


You may be thinking, “Oh, no she didn’t!”

Alas, I assure you she did.

She chirped her tires.  It was rude, uncalled for and, wait for it…a violation.

See, chirping, screeching, squealing, whatever label you choose to affix is breaking traction. Breaking traction means you run the risk of losing control of your vehicle. Losing control of your vehicle is not safe…particularly on a narrow, residential street.

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I thought I would simply wave her down after she turned around. I stepped into the road and held up my hand to stop her. Again, I had every intention of telling her what she did was not okay, but I would simply give her a verbal warning.

But then she decided to say (at the top of her lungs, mind you), “What?!? Are you going to harass me some more?!?”

Apparently, her interpretation of harassment involves me stopping her for violating the vehicle code and issuing her a citation. We wouldn’t want her to take responsibility for her actions and her ignorance, now, would we?

Why, that would be disrespectful! And Lord knows it’s my humble obligation to kowtow to the will of the Entitled at every turn!

With her definition of harassment in mind, I briefly considered answering simply, “Yup”, but I opted to not.

Instead, what I said was, “Ma’am, I was going to give you a warning for your unsafe behavior, but because you accused me of something fairly serious, I’ll be issuing you a citation instead. I’ve no need of your information as I already have it. Do not drive away. I’ll be with you in a moment.”

I walked back after writing the second ticket and handed her my ticket book.

I thought her head might explode.

As she drove away, she yelled, “Bad cops like you are no good!”

This statement left me curious. I wondered if she thought cops that enforce the laws and don’t take any shit off entitled, self-important, rude people were “bad”.

Because if that’s the case, she’s right on the money.  I’m a terrible cop.

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Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

15 thoughts on “The Return of the Twofer

  1. Yup. It seems like any time we burst some motorist’s bubble about wan’t the can and can’t do while driving, we get labeled by them as bad cops. Some go as far as to register a complaint. New Mexico DPS has been using dash cams for a while, so the first thing the Judge wants to see is the videos. Always shows.

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