Shit your folks should have taught you…

This post hearkens back to the tried and true pet peeve. I’m sure some of you have kids. I’m sure some of your kids do some irritating child-like things. They constantly ask the same question over and over. They pick a random word and repeat it. A gazillion times. They forever interrupt your every waking moment. And…one of my favorites…they talk to you while you’re on the phone.

The Kid is 3 1/2. I love her. She’s amazing. The Little One is 8 months old, so she can’t do any of the above. Yet. We are trying like crazy to get her to mind her manners, be polite, don’t interrupt, etc. Like my Mom says, “You’re raising a little adult.” Amen…if only more people had done the same. Wait, what am I saying?!? I’d be out of a job!

At any rate, it stands to reason that we all like it when we can carry on a conversation without any unwanted and, quite frankly, pointless interruptions. Believe me, it’s worse when you’re in uniform. The culprit isn’t a child, either. Oh, no. Full grown adult. You know, the kind that should know better.

Case in point…

I’m sitting in my car talking to the Wife on my cell. I have not just jumped in the car in hot pursuit of anyone. I am neither huffing nor puffing. If I was more relaxed (other than the usual Threat Level Yellow Awareness, of course), I’d have been friggin’ asleep. I see a late model Mercedes drive toward me slowly (I’m in a cul-de-sac). I know damn well dude’s gonna ask something ridiculous. I was right. (Yes, it’s quite the heavy cross to bear…how well you know me!)

The guy continues past me and circles around. I continue my conversation with the Wife with a brief interjection of something to the effect of, “Hang on, honey, we’re about to be interrupted.” He pulls up alongside. Again, slowly.

**break** Let’s remember, I don’t work in South Central. Dude is an old white guy driving a fuckin’ Mercedes. I’m not overly concerned about him shooting me to make his bones with the local Crip set, okay? Back to it…

He pulls just along me and rolls down his passenger window. Only it was the wrong one. Eventually, he figured out those darn German controls and rolled down the right one.

MC (trying to be patient…failing miserably): *Sigh* Can I help you? (Still clutching obvious cell phone in my left hand, by the way).
INN (Ignorant Nosey Neighbor): I just pulled out of my house and saw you here.
MC: Uh-huh. (Resisting urge to point conspicuously at the phone)
INN: Well, I just left two young adults at my house. Is there anything I should know?

And here’s where your ‘ol buddy MC’s head about exploded. So many responses to that question. The only legitimate won’t-get-a-complaint one is, “No.” So that’s the one I went with. The others? So glad you asked:

1. Sir, I’m pretty sure there’s all kinds of shit you should know that you don’t. For example, you should know that’s it’s both rude and irritating to interrupt someone talking on the phone.
2. Two young adults, you say? You know they’re doing it on your bed right now, right?
3. Nah, I’m just making sure the rapist we’ve been looking for all night doesn’t show up on this one little court in a Town of over 40,000 people.
4. Only about a million things, sir. None of which I can be of assistance with.
5. No, but can I follow you to work and interrupt your phone call by asking you if there’s anything I should know?
6. Indeed there is, sir, but it appears your folks failed to teach you. Alas, it wasn’t my responsibility.

Here’s a lesson to you all. If you want to talk to a cop, go right ahead. Rest assured, however, that if there were something of importance you needed to be aware of, we’d tell you! If one of us happens to be sitting in a car outside your house or down your street and we appear to be talking on the phone or typing a report, we are most likely doing just that very thing! We are not spies. We do not excel at being uber-sneaky (particularly in full fucking uniform driving a big ‘ol American made black and freakin’ white car!) in the middle of the blessed day.

I understand it’s human nature, I do. I have the same urges when I see a cop on my street. But, I remind myself if they aren’t knocking on my door or stopping me to ask me questions, I really don’t give a shit what they’re doing. Curiosity is a strong urge. I get it. You know what’s a stronger urge? Self-preservation. Be happy we aren’t coming to talk to you. ‘Cause usually, it ain’t the best of news, now, is it?

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

9 thoughts on “Shit your folks should have taught you…

  1. *nods in agreement*

    I have a LEO who lives a couple of doors down from me (just met him the other day while walking the puppy, very nice guy). And sometimes when he's working he stops off at home for dinner rather than stopping at some diner or fastfood joint. So there is occasion when an "Undercover" (read black police car with no markings, but you can still spot it as a police car 500 feet away) is parked on our road. Eh what ever.

    But there are a couple of nosey people who will stand next to the cruiser and WAIT just to speak with said officer who is having dinner with his family… Just to find out "Why" he is on our sleepy suburan street.

    Never hear the answer but the fact that people stand there and wait… Amuses me to no end!


  2. Your perspective is interesting to know. As a Homeowner's Association President, I would wonder what a cop was doing parked at the end of my cul-de-sac. Our community policing officers have asked us to come talk to the cops, ask questions, and have often said in public meetings, "there are no stupid questions. We'd rather be asked than not know what your concerns are."

    How would you react if a resident of the cul-de-sac you were on walked up and introduced himself to say, "I am the HOA President. Anything going on?" (However, if the officer were obviously on the phone, the radio, or data terminal, I wouldn't interrupt. My momma taught me *that* much).

  3. Your posts make me laugh … a lot … but my word! You are one stressed out dude.

  4. On the outside you have the patience of a saint. Very professional.
    However, one day you’re going to be speaking to psychic, someone who can read your mind (not the wife) and they are going to know exactly what you are not saying…..Or then again maybe you won’t.
    You’re a funny man. Still laughing.

  5. I can rarely limit my answer to that sort of question to a simple "no".

    I usually do give a mildly smartassed answer.

    "Nope, just trying to handle a phone call. You wouldn't believe how upset people get when I drive and talk on the phone so I figured I'd pull over, and I just HAPPENED to be on YOUR street. Thanks for checking."

  6. My officers often complain about the public interrupting while they're eating. Some of them have taken to holding up the sandwich real close to the windshield so they can see it as they drive by and gawk.

  7. The ones I like are the ones who want to pull up and ask questions or directions when I am:

    1. in contact with someone on the street;
    2. writing a ticket or otherwise engaged in a traffic stop;
    3. holding someone at gunpoint during a felony car stop (I shit you not on this last one…a whole carload of idiots did this to me one night and almost got shot.)

    Some people are alive today only because we've societally safeguarded them against Darwinism.

  8. INN (Ignorant Nosy Neighbor): I just pulled out of my house and saw you here.
    MJ: Outstanding. It's nice to meet an observant civilian for a change. You'd be surprised at how many people pass right by me never notice me sitting here at all.
    INN: Well, I just left two young adults at my house. Is there anything I should know?
    MJ: Yes, you should know that young adults are prone to consume controlled substances before engaging in premarital sex without benefit of contraception. Also, and I'm assuming you're a good, solid law abiding citizen here, we have inside information from the Federal Government that there may be a drug dealing terrorist operating on this block somewhere. They've got a radio transmitter somewhere around here, and I'm listening to their transmissions. See? ::holds up cell phone::

    How am I doing so far?

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