Whilst out protecting the public at large, my production company and I found an opportunity to film a stop we got a chuckle out of and wanted to pass it along. I, your humble MC, am played by myself. Our misguided and mathematically challenged friend is played by John Malkovich. (C’mon! Use your imagination!)
Crazy, right? It never ceases to amaze me how much people want me out there enforcing different laws than the one I happened to stop them for. Stop sign? I should be out there stopping speeders. Speeding? I should be stopping the guy that was going faster than them. Tailgating? I should be stopping the speeders. It’s a never ending circle of retarded, downward-spiralling bullshit.
If I had a dime for every time someone tried to blame-shift me on a stop, I wouldn’t have to work so much damn overtime to support my family! I think this is what folks are shooting for…
MC: Do you know why I stopped you?
PHG (Powerfully Hypnotic Guy): No.
MC: You were speeding.
PHG: True….but look into my eyes. (insert stereotypical hypnotic music and perhaps one of those swirly image things)
MC: Oh, dammit.
PHG: You should be stopping the guy that cut me off and caused me to speed up in order to get around his obviously dangerous driving.
MC: Um…shouldn’t you just slow down and let him continue on?
PHG: LOOK DEEPER IN MY EYES AND DON’T FIGHT IT!!!
MC: Shit. Your powers are overwhelming my strong common sense approach to law enforcement.
PHG (maniacally laughs): That’s right! Now leave me be!
MC: I must obey.
People, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. Just take fucking responsibility for your actions. That’s how you learn and grow. It’s what makes society a more organized and less chaotic joint to live in.
Oh, and it makes you much less of a douche.