Police Officers – Solving Your Problems Since 1845

Why have we been solving your problems since 1845? Because according to the internet, that is the first year the New York City Police Department officially organized.

You are now that much closer to know everything. See, even on a snarky blog, the cops are solving problems you didn’t even know you had.

I remember watching COPS every Saturday night for years. I loved that show. Of course, now that I know better, COPS is more of a training tool of what not to do…particularly the earlier episodes.

But in my naïveté, I thought all the action I saw every week was what police work was about.

IssueThe pursuits.

The fights.

Saving the damsel in distress from the abusive lover.

Finding lost children.

The moldy floor.

Wait. What?!

I swear to you I’m not making this up. Recently, we got dispatched to a 415 Civil. That is to say, there was a fight about a civil issue.

For example, a customer refuses to pay a roofer the money he owes. That is a civil issue, not a criminal one.

Now, if the roofer takes exception and begins to beat the customer about the head/face. We’ve now crossed into criminal and someone should most assuredly call the police. But, that’s not what happened in the case I’m talking about.

No, in this case the “fight” was merely verbal (more of a “disagreement”, really) and it was about mold. On the floor. Between a tenant and a landlord.

For the sake of full disclosure, I should add that I did not respond to this detail for one reason and one reason only.

It’s dumb.

Okay, I may be oversimplifying. There may have been a very legitimate reason to call the police. Perhaps the landlord or tenant feared for their safety. I don’t know. Like I said, I wasn’t there…but I’ve been to plenty of calls eerily similar.

Two adults lack the cognitive capacity to act like the aforementioned adults and simply can’t formulate a plan to work out their differences. Consequently, they feel it a good use of police resources to ask an officer to come and solve their problem for them.

This is what we’re all thinking when this call comes in.  You know, cause we all sit around wearing all this cool tactical shit.


Seriously, folks. What happened to the good old days when people would just arbitrarily sue one another over inane, asinine garbage?

Have a problem with someone and you don’t want to actually speak to them and work out your differences? That’s why there are lawyers! Don’t call the police…there’s a reason that “415 civil” has civil right in the bloody middle! As in, not police.

Come to think of it, it’s pretty amusing that “civil” is in there since obviously neither party is acting civilly; however, the term is used in reference to “civil law”. Which, I suppose, was intended to be just that.

Here’s another option that I know may fly in the face of common sense, decency and the American way, but I’m feeling just spry enough to mention it…are you ready?

You could handle your problems yourself like a big boy!

I’m not saying you need to fight off that home invasion robber or the dude with the crowbar. I am, however, suggesting that if your problem involves a disgruntled tenant and some spores, perhaps you could give it a go without the police.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

One thought on “Police Officers – Solving Your Problems Since 1845

  1. It’s all derived from a sense of entitlement that’s been conjured up by the coddled masses. THEY PAY YOUR SALARY!!1!!!!1!! So, of course, you’re obligated to come do their thinking for them.

    By the by, as a side note, my wife is finally going through mandate after being in dispatch for 15 years. 🙂

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