Now where did I put that kid?

A couple weeks ago, I worked our local High School’s graduation. During what was mostly a completely smooth and uneventful few hours, I had occasion to experience the following:

Oblivious Parent: Excuse me.
MC: Hi. What can I do for you?
OP: I seem to have lost my son.
MC: How long has he been missing?
OP: I saw him about 30 minutes ago playing with some other children over here (points to general vicinity)
MC: Ok. What’s his name?
OP: Unfortunately Mine (not his real name).
MC: Ok. How old is he?
OP: 5
MC: Ok. What’s he wearing?
**You get the picture, right? She provides all the description I need. I contact Dispatch to make sure all the other units copy and we can start looking for the kid. Here’s why this ended up on my blog…**
MC: Ok, Ma’am. We’ll start looking for him.
OP: Alright, well, I’m just gonna go back to my seat.
Huh? Back to your seat? Now, I know what you’re thinking. OP wanted to return there in case her wayward child returned. Yeah, I’d have thought so, too. Turns out, we’re both wrong. Her brother was walking around looking for the kid and she just wanted to get back to her seat and sit down. She was totally nonchalant about the whole thing and seemed completely non-plussed. Crazy.
If the Kid were missing? Forget it. I’d be like a fucking hummingbird zipping all over the place. And, I’d be recruiting others to join in the hunt. May very well have jumped on stage mid-graduation, grabbed the mic from Principal Boring Guy and made a little announcement. This chick? Nope. Gonna go back and sit down.
Gee, I wonder why the world is hurtling toward Hades. On rocket skates. With no helmet. And flaming hair.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

7 thoughts on “Now where did I put that kid?

  1. I teach at a rural school in the Pacific NW. The biggest part of my job is parenting children whose parents have checked out.

  2. Assuming the little ankle biter turned up? (Though it does make for a better story when tricycle motors disappear for a while and an all out marco/polo is enacted.)

    Sorry you had to babysit the parents. Sounds like oh-sop-much-fun.

    I need to go post about the royal dumbass we had to babysit today- when you try to shove an officer into the deep end of the pool with full vest and duty belt on, dont be suprised when you have a face full of pepper spray and you are spitting sideways for a month!!

  3. Why, of course! She has YOU to look for her kid, so now she can go back to watch her older, football star kid graduate.

    He's going off to college on his football scholarship, and she's hoping he'll turn pro and she'll never have anything to worry about for the rest of her life.

    She was actually enjoying being rid of the annoying, bratty little five year old for a while.

    This is hypothetical, of course, but it's what I envisioned while reading your post…

  4. "Nonplussed" means bewildered, not unmoved. This woman did not sound bewildered, just lazy and probably fat.

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