Nine Reasons Cops are Idiots

A Uniform Stories Post

Uniform StoriesThis post originally appeared on the Uniform Stories website and is reprinted here with their permission.

I know what you thinking. “MC! Aren’t you a cop?!”

Indeed, I am. As it happens, though, I am, in fact, an idiot.

Here are 10 reasons why I, and those of my ilk, are idiots:

1. Popular Culture. Pop culture these days will try to tell you we’re all dirty, racist, hateful, bigoted, sexist pricks with an ego complex that would rival Greek gods. (Granted that last one is accurate, but I base that solely on the fact that my hair is f’n incredible.) Only an idiot would sign up to be seemingly unilaterally reviled.

2. Cops run toward danger. Huge bar fight? Man with a gun? Domestic violence with screaming and blood? Most people run quickly in the opposite direction. I would argue that those that run toward that kind of thing are idiots with little concept of self-preservation.

3. Cops get assaulted, but the suspect sues and wins. True story. I once stopped two drunk folks after they stumbled through a construction zone past a freeway off ramp in an attempt to prevent them from getting killed. They were so appreciative that while I was trying to restrain one, they other jumped on my back and started playing my head like a tom-tom. They went to jail…and later got paid because it was cheaper to pay them a paltry sum instead of fighting the case. I didn’t get a payoff. Thus…idiot.

4. People love to spit on cops. I’ve been spat at and upon more times than I care to remember. Often, the calibre of person that decides it’s a good idea to spit on an officer is not the healthiest (mentally or otherwise) of individuals, so it’s always fun to play “What Hideous Disease Does That Guy Have”. Let’s just say spit hoods weren’t invented to keep people from spitting on firefighters. Only idiots require a hood to keep people from spitting on them.

5. Cop life is one of the most stressful. When you walk into Starbucks to order your triple half-calf, no foam, soy caramel frappuccino (aka “Firefighter drink”), you just be-bop on in and order your calorie bomb. When a cop walks in, he or she looks at everyone. Their hands. Their eyes. Their intentions. Hell, these days, we can’t sit and eat lunch in our damn cars safely. Only idiots risk their lives for food or coffee.

To read the rest of the post, please click through to the original post on Uniform Stories…

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

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11 thoughts on “Nine Reasons Cops are Idiots

  1. When I’m out riding my bicycle, I occasionally run across a cop parked in the church parking lot doing paperwork and watching the adjacent intersection. It’s about the safest place to sit and do paperwork, and have some coffee. I always ride by and wish him a quiet, boring day.

  2. I agree with most of that. PLUS…..when a person sees a cop somewhere…..they ‘might’ feel the need to share a chat with that cop….whether the cop wants it or not…..a good story…even when you have a head ache….is not a good thing. It seems to me that no one respects the cops time….like they do deserve and earn…a few minutes to themselves…..maybe they want to call the wife/hubby/parent/kids to just say “hi”…..or make an appt for their ONE day off….Motorcop…..

  3. I just have to add that though some of these points are well taken, it’s also true that some of us go up to officers and thank them for their service, for keeping us safe and that we don’t take them for granted. I do this whenever I can. Just saying.