MCPD is an Equal Opportunity Employer

You may be wondering just what the title of this post means.  A couple months ago, I joined up with some other crazy bloggers at Blogrocket.com.  One of my fellow BlogRocketeers (a term I wish I coined) contacted me recently about guest posting.  We decided to take over one another’s blogs today.  Here’s me invading her space.

Your guest blogger today is Sharideth (follow her on Twitter…she dominates).  She writes a blog I’ve seen a few of you click through from here, A Woman’s Guide to Women: A Blog for Men.  Although happily married for going on seven years, I still revel in finding new ways to make the Wife happy…and I like to laugh at the folly of those that haven’t found what I have.  Because I’m a jerk.  Either way, Sharideth’s rapier wit and feminine insight (She is Y-Chromosome deficient!) serve to entertain and educate the love-lorn and the romantically-challenged.  The featured picture is not of Sharideth as (to the best of my knowledge) she is neither Nordic nor blonde as the picture claims; however, when searching Flick for “female police” (which will make sense when you read the post) I found this photo of a not terribly unattractive police woman.  Refer to the above “I’m a jerk” comment.  Enjoy a brief change in gears…

hello.  my name is sharideth and i am not a relationship expert, i just play one on the internet.  today, i’m shedding my relationship guru skin and taking over MCPD at gun point.  it’s a gun i stole from my brother, who is also a cop.  he’s pretty careful with his guns and keeps them locked up, but he constantly loses his keys and i had copies made years ago.

prior to finding my calling as a writer of all things useless, i wanted to be a cop.  i was even up for the next round of testing at Portland PD when i found out i was pregnant with our first life plan ruiner.  now i live vicariously through my brother and his fantastically morbid/ridiculous adventures.

occasionally i get to do a ride-a-long with him, which is always good times.  here are a couple of my experiences:

“does he walk like a duck”

the very first ride-a-long i did was just prior to becoming impregnated.  i should have seen it as a sign… my brother was one of only three cops in a tiny gaming town in southern Washington state.  when i say tiny gaming town, i mean Vegas and Middle of Nowhere, Arkansas had a baby.  anyhoo, about an hour into the ride, i see a giant, fire engine red cadillac, with a white vinyl top roll into town.  i knew that car.  it was my pastor’s.  my pastor who had just two months prior, committed with the entire domination to not gamble.  we were a few blocks away when i see the driver get out to pull some money from a cash machine.

me:  “i think that’s my pastor.”

bro:  “does your pastor walk like a duck?”

me:  “yes.”

well hell.

did i mention that my husband was the associate pastor of that church and a whole lot of human waste was about to hit the industrial turbine?

no?  well it was.

long story short, it eventually lead to one of the nastiest church splits i’ve ever seen.  my hubs and i became public enemy numbers 1 and 1.1.  ugh-ly.

the dumbest thing?  all we did was tell the pastor and the head of the board what i saw and asked them to handle it internally.  they freaked and were so determined to discredit us, they did all the blabbing.

that was our last full time church staff experience.  we’ve been offered others.  we’ve said no.

“albino like me”

fast forward several years and a second kid and my brother is now Tacoma PD.  we/he got a call that a convenience store has just been liberated of a bunch of Swisher Sweets by an African-American albino wearing a giant, hunter orange coat.

not 60 seconds later we see the suspect, walking down the sidewalk.  considering the description we were given, we were pretty sure we had the right guy.  we pull over and even before my brother gets his door open, the kid (he was 15) was on his knees with his hands behind his head.  clearly his newbie status was long gone.

my brother cuffs him, reads him rights, puts him in the car.  all the while the kid is cooperative, even pleasant.

turns out he’d just been sent to Tacoma to live with his father who really didn’t care if the boy was there or not.  getting arrested just seemed like something to do.  my brother, a father of two boys, told the kid, “instead of getting arrested, why don’t you read a book, finish school, get out and make something of yourself.  then your life is yours.  you’re clearly intelligent (he really was).  there’s no reason why you should ever have to be in the back of my car again.”

when we got to juvie, my bro did the booking and gave the kid one last pep talk about being decent.

“you are the weirdest cop i’ve ever met.  but you’re all right, man.”

the end.

if you’re wondering, i would’ve made an excellent cop.

MC, here.  As an odd aside, both my post on her blog and her post here both contained 666 words a piece.  Coincidence or a sign?  Either way, I’ll be praying extra hard tonight…

Photo Credit: Flickr and Barbies Land

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

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6 thoughts on “MCPD is an Equal Opportunity Employer

  1. Umm… As one of Sharideth’s newest faithful followers, I find this public servant background FASCINATING. Yet not surprising.

    P.S. African-American albinos wearing giant, hunter orange coats are a dime a dozen in Alabama. It would have been a much tougher case to crack.

  2. I get all kinds of nasty reactions whenever I bring this up, but I find it hard to concentrate on a piece of writing that does not contain proper grammar, capitalization and punctuation and has not run into Spell Check. Maybe that’s why I missed the point of those stories. When there are these kinds of errors in writing, those tend to be all I see.

    • To each his own…I kinda dig the quirky way she writes. If it’s not a police report, I’m okay cutting some slack. What drives me totally nuts IS WHEN PEOPLE TYPE IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE THEY CAN’T FIGURE OUT THAT A). IT’S THE EQUIVALENT OF YELLING AND B) I ASSUME THEY FEAR THE ‘SHIFT’ KEY.

      • I have found that older people type in all caps because they don’t know about the shift key, and their eyesight is bad enough that is the only way they can read what they are typing. My dad has an old (both advanced in age and former) boss on Facebook who shares an account with his wife, and they both type in all caps, all the time. They probably do yell when they talk, because their hearing is probably going along with their eyesight.