MC Beats a Dead Horse

Be happy that I attached a horse skull…I actually found a picture of a dead horse.  No one needs to see that.  Sometimes the interwebs scare the crap out of me.  On the other hand, I can be a mite literal from time to time.  So, the horse skull is apropos at least.

It has come to my attention that you, the driving public, are apparently indestructible if you are merely driving a short distance or from “just over there” to “just around the corner”.  It seems that wearing a seat belt on a public street isn’t a requirement if the distance to be traveled is somewhere south of a mile.

I was not aware of that caveat in the vehicle code or the statistical analysis of the severely injured and/or dead people who weren’t wearing their seat belt.  Seems they were all driving a great and mighty distance with nary a thought to their own safety.

It seems I owe the lot of you quite the apology.  I was under the apparent misinformed impression that a collision could occur regardless of the time and/or distance for which you may be traveling.  I was also misled to believe that wearing your seat belt under your arm was a stupid thing to do and could actually inflict more internal injuries should you be involved in a collision.

Dead Horse Gulchphoto © 2010 Bruce McKay | more info (via: Wylio)Obviously, I didn’t take into consideration the magic bubble for which you paid good money at the dealer to have installed.  I assume this is what they meant by that “undercarriage coating” they’re always pimping.  I am so terribly sorry for my misguided rants about wearing a seat belt.

Certainly, had you been driving for a great distance, you would have dutifully donned your seat belt as required by law and common sense.  You couldn’t possibly be so daft as to ignore the health implications by ignoring such an important bit of safety equipment if you were driving much further than from “just down the street”.

Honestly, I wish I had more than a pitiful “I’m sorry” to offer you.  I don’t know what came over me ‘lo these many years.  And to think about all those unnecessary citations I’ve given.  How can I ever repay all those poor, abused citizens.  What a heartless, heartless wretch I am.

I thought that if you were driving on a public street you had to follow the same rules of the road that I do.  I mean I have all those pretty lights and the siren and the black/white car (on my beat days…let’s not get excited).  If I am required to wear my seat belt, not only by law but by policy as well, I figured you must have to do the same.  I didn’t take into account the very short distance you were driving.  Ah, short distance, you great equalizer!

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

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12 thoughts on “MC Beats a Dead Horse

  1. …and while were at it, I too am sorry. I am constantly forgetting to take into account the fact that you are a perfect driver who never speeds, who never tailgates, and who always yields the proper right of way while diligently signaling your every intention. I am sorry that I am that big meany who just caught the one in a billion time that you have ever driven with a totally self-centered disregard for the safety of everyone else on the roadway. I am so ashamed if myself. 🙂

  2. Actually MC that’s just for within city limits, it’s anything under two miles and the traffic laws cease to matter at least in the suburbs. Shame on you for not knowing that 😛

  3. Don’t forget that they are such peerless drivers that their precious snowflakes ride on a cushion of unicorn farts, obviating the need for a car seat or booster.

  4. I too am sorry, for I did not realize you NEVER talk on your cell phone while you’re driving. In fact, you don’t even own a cellular phone and I most CERTAINLY did NOT see one up to your ear. You were simply scratching the side of your head or some such PERFECTLY LEGAL activity. I apologize for the inconvenience I have caused by stopping you for the cell phone I mistakenly believed I saw to your ear as I sat looking into your passenger window from fifteen feet away. As you have said several times during this stop, you don’t even OWN a cell phone…

    Wait a sec…. what’s that ringing sound from under your passenger seat?

  5. When I was 16, I got into a really, really bad car accident. I was in the hospital for a bit. The officer told me that had I not been wearing my seatbelt, I would have almost surely died. I was on my way from school to my friend’s house – a total distance of 1.5 minues (a 1/2 mile). I flipped the car after about 30 seconds of being out of the parking lot. It teaches a valuable lesson/

  6. OK what have you done with the real MC, the crusher of souls. I blame the imminent arrival of little MC junior as it has obviously upset your hormonal balance. Now slap yourself around the face and get back out there. And one more thing, I don’t care how dead that horse is don’t just beat it dig in the spurs.
    Sheeesh.