For my last message to those fine folks in South Dakota, take a gander here. This post is not for them, although, I am proud of you all. You have warmed the cockles of my heart. Yes, the cockles.
Because of the recent surge in traffic, I decided to give good old google analytics a look. I must say, South Dakota, you have performed admirably. You have risen from a sad readership of 3 to a now threatening 28. Please peruse FU, penguin for the remainder of this post, South Dakotians…
Okay, listen up, North Dakota. You’re at 32! 32? Yes, 30-f’n 2. Are you really going to take South Dakota’s blatant lack of respect for you like that? I thought the North was of much heartier stock! Didn’t you win the Civil War for crying out loud? (Don’t bother me with facts, people, I’m aware of the geography! I’m trying to make a grander point!)
Fargo, you are by far my strongest supporters. Although, I hated your movie, I support your right to weird accentery. You have struggled on in obvious domination of your state, but now it is time to move up! Assume some leadership, Fargo! There’s gotta be some towns within, what, 200 miles of you? Send them a carrier pigeon with the blog address attached! At your next hootenanny, tell your friends! Come on, Fargo, the North depends upon you! Are you going to let those bumpkins in Sioux Falls one-up you? Dammit, you won’t stand for it!
(Author’s Note: If you are in Sioux Falls and you’ve read thus far, in obvious defiance of my suggestion not to, well played. The North has much to fear from your wily skills)
I can’t honestly tell you why the North/South Dakota has captured my, nay the world’s, collective attention. All I know is South Dakota has shown some gumption. They went from dead last in the country to making Rhode Island and Delaware their bitch.
Shame on you New Englanders. Just shame. Don’t make me turn my sights on you!