I hear a lot of ’em, believe me. Some are lamer than others, but here are a couple that always confound me…
“I was going with the flow of traffic.” Remember when you were a kid and you’d tell mom and/or dad, “Everyone else is doing it!” Whatever ‘it’ may be. Their inevitable response was something to the effect of, “If everyone else jumped off a bridge or (insert stupid act here), would you?”
Guess what kids…same theory applies here. If everyone else on the road is driving at 15 mph over the limit and I happen to stop you. You’re just the unlucky assclown I picked. Life sucks, karma’s a bitch, whatever adage you want to apply, it’s all the same. Doesn’t change the fact that you were breaking the law. So, telling me you were driving with the flow of traffic is a)Retarded…what are you 12? and, more importantly legal-wise, b) not a legal defense.
“I can’t get another ticket!” One of my all time favorites. When I hear someone say that, I actually hear, “I’m a moron and I obviously haven’t learned my lesson. Please, please, Officer, write me another ticket so maybe, just maybe, it’ll get through my thick ass head I should probably pay attention to what the hell I’m doing. Oh, and by the way, I’m also the same person that repeatedly hits my thumb with a hammer and wonders why it fucking hurts.” Whenever I hear this one, I always request a driving history check through dispatch just out of morbid curiousity to see exactly how many moving violations the driver has. More often than not, they have many and my smile is extra big when they’re signing the cite.