Karma, you right bitch.

So, I’m off for seven weeks. Seven. I haven’t ridden in almost two months. I’m not exactly ecstatic to leave the Fam at home and return to the grind, but I’ve made my peace with it. I’m ready to get on my bike and ride.

(Insert Family Feud-style buzzer)

Rain. Not just a little, friends, but a veritable downpour. Like break-out-the-Ark-plans-and-find-out-what-the-fuck-a-cubit-is type downpour. It was constant. The only change was the direction in which it fell. Sometimes, it was straight down. Sometimes, it was at a 45 degree angle.

I had every confidence that I’d be jumping from collision to collision all the live long day. I was ready. I spent the first couple hours updating my calendar for the boatload (timely metaphor, yes?) of subpoenas that were waiting for me. I cleared out my email. I got my patrol car together. At 0900, I left the parking lot thoroughly shocked I hadn’t been detailed to anything yet. The morning commute was all but over.

My shock would continue. All day. I was in the report writing room getting ready to call it a day. We have a shortage of cars, so I had to take a swing shift car. They start at 1500 hours, I’m off at 1600. Consequently, I cleaned out the car and gave the swing shift guy the keys. I had exactly 25 minutes to the end of shift.

Cue radio.

Radio: MC, can you respond to a non-injury collision. On the other side of the Town. In the pouring rain. During the afternoon commute. 25 minutes before you’re pointless day comes to an end?

MC: I live to serve.

Honestly, I half expected it after giving all my partners grief for wearing all their dayglow rain gear just to run from their car to the PD. I had just finished bragging about how I went the whole day without having to wear my rain jacket. I thought it was funny. Karma, apparently, did not. Time to pay up, MC. So be it.

I got the call and headed out to the south end of the Town. Upon arrival, there was, uh, nothing. Harumph. I contacted Dispatch and asked them to recontact the involved party to find out where exactly they are. The person had stated that they suspected the other involved party may have been intoxicated or have Parkinson’s.

I drove around the surrounding area trying to find them. Nothing. Then, this:

Radio: MC, she said she got tired of waiting, so she left. Her phone number is in the detail.

Yeah, I’ll get right on that. It took me exactly 13 minutes to get from the PD to the other end of the Town. In the aforementioned Exodus-style rain plague. That’s actually really damn good time, thank you very much.

I got back to the PD and called this lady. She doesn’t answer. Argh. I left her a message and explained that since she already had the other party’s information, she could contact her insurance company regarding the collision. Part of me wishes she had answered the phone. Here’s how it went in my mind:

Impatient Lady: Hello?
MC: Hi, this is MC with Town PD. Were you just involved in a collision?
IL: Yes?
MC: Is there a reason you reported the collision and then left without the courtesy of a phone call?
IL: Why, yes. I was tired of waiting in the rain.
MC: Ah. Was your vehicle’s roof somehow penetrated rendering it’s water-repulsing capability inadequate?
IL: No.
MC: Ah. Are you perhaps just impatient and lack the common courtesy to let us know you are no longer at the location.
IL: What do you mean?
MC: Nevermind, Ma’am. Can you explain the other party’s demeanor to me?
IL: Well, I think he may have been drunk.
MC: Really? What leads you to suspect that?
IL: He had trouble with his phone number.
MC: Um. Ok. Anything else?
IL: He mentioned he had Parkinson’s.
MC: Is that right? So you were concerned about his ability to operate a motor vehicle?
IL: Oh, most definitely!
MC: So concerned, in fact, that you just exchanged information and let him drive off with no regard to other driver’s safety, or his own, for that matter?
IL: Uh…
MC: Unfortunately, Ma’am, I can’t help you. See, because your descriptions of his alleged behavior is not very specific and the other party was no longer at the scene and you didn’t really feel like waiting around, all I have here is a minor non-injury collision. This doesn’t require a police report, Ma’am. As a matter of fact, you just feel free to contact your insurance agent and let him walk you through what to do.
IL: Oh. Ok.
MC: Thanks an awful lot for your courtesy and concern for the motoring public. Have a terrific Town day, now.


Whew…I feel a bit better. Still, I was off by 1600 hours. I’ve still got it!

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

11 thoughts on “Karma, you right bitch.

  1. Well, welcome back! As I a regular reader I'm glad to see that we will have more stories to look forward to.

  2. MC, welcome back! Were all of the your traffic court dates put off until you returned from leave? Isn't there a 45-day limit here in CA for trials to happen after arraignment?

    My citation early this year was dismissed when the officer didn't show up. Turns out he was on paternity leave. Turns out he's the son-in-law of a co-worker. I jokingly refer to her grandson as "the $300 baby", because that's how much $ he saved me!

    Hope the Wife is doing well after the first day on her own with the little ones.

  3. Welcome back, MC! Although I don't like hearing you're experiencing inclement weather of 'biblical' proportions. That ususally makes its way over the Rockies and into my neighborhood as snow. (And if you think you've experienced weather that becomes a contributing factor in accidents…)

    By the way, "cubit" is an ancient linear unit of measure, defined as the length from one's elbow to the tip of the middle finger. Obviously, this was a clumsy way to measure things, because no two people have the same length forearm. Just giving you an assist, there, MC.

  4. Our weather dudes here in MO have been babbling about that storm you guys got out there on the left coast; guess it was worth all the babble.

    Glad you got through it safely, if a little damp-ly.

    –Satisfied in Missouri

  5. I can't give anyone grief about rain gear. I had to run to TWO, count 'em TWO 11-79's in the worst rain of the day.

    My day-glo rain gear didn't help any.

  6. If I'm your dispatcher, I have your back; when I call someone back for an officer attempting to arrive, I will ask them "And you couldn't call us?" 😀

    Welcome back, it's good to read you. Hope all is well with the family. We had some rough times when dad went back to work after #2was born.

  7. Welcome back. I've missed reading your stories.

    Guess I'd better dust of the dictionary again. "Cubit" really? Like isn't that just a little dated?

  8. I have to leave a comment just because I want to use the word verification "coptiout". I love word verificaiton.

  9. Damn. About time you got back to work. Paternity leave?Back in the day, I got off work an hour early the Monday after my daughter was born. That was my paternity leave.
    You kids have it so easy nowadays.
    Glad your back, crime is running rampant, Glen Beck is being taken seriously for the first time in his life for unknown reasons, and firearm micro stamping of ammo debuts in a few months. See if you can take care of that stuff. I mean when your not dealing with the utter stupidity of motorist mankind.
    Oh and if I see one more dingy, crusty thong sticking up out of the pants of another 215 lb women, I'm gonna have to speak up. Thus I will probably be assaulted. Any leeway when that happens would be appreciated.

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