I’m a Suckerfish

You read that right. Technically, it’s called a remora (you’re welcome, ichthyologists!). Genus and other scientific crap notwithstanding, the point remains that I’m the suckerfish…not the shark.

By now, you should be wondering, “Alright, MC. Then just who is the shark, exactly?”
I knew you kids were smart. The shark, dear readers, is the big, shiny, red truck driven by our friends the Firemen.
Follow my logic, here. It’s well established that I’ve got Fire roots deep within that will never fade. I grew up in the firehouse. I’ve got just about as many Fire friends as Cop friends. You needn’t look much further than my friendship with my brother from another mother, HM, to understand. Now, don’t go getting misty-eyed, my Fire friends…I’m still a black-hearted nightmare on a motorcycle. Still, I like to see you guys getting to your calls as quickly as that big ass rig and your driver are willing to go.
Enter the general public. And their seemingly incontrovertible inability to get out of our collective way.
See, when I’m en route to a call and folks don’t get the hell out of my way, there’s little I can do about it right then. Someone else needs my attention more; however, when I hear and/or see Big Red rolling code down the boulevard, I see a grand opportunity to exact justice and rid myself of some pent up rage at all the other clueless mouth breathers from past incidents.
I’ll never forget the first time I pulled someone over for failing to yield to an emergency vehicle. I was still in patrol training and happened to see Fire headed out to do their thing. My FTO was in the car with me and we followed for a bit. As per usual, some hapless fool didn’t get out of the way. He got a ticket. An expensive ticket.
After the violator drove away, I looked at my FTO and asked, “You mind if I make a quick phone call?” He seemed curious…and wary (even then my sarcasm was evident). He acquiesced. I rang my Dad and told him the whole story. I felt like I had righted a wrong from the days of yore when my Dad had those same idiots keeping him from getting to where he needed to be. It was a proud day for us both, I assure you!
So, to all my Fire friends in and about Town…if you see me posted up waiting on you to pull out of the house or you wonder where the damn Motorcop came from all of a sudden, I heard your call when you did and I’m just waiting to suck onto your bumper and exact some justice on all our behalves.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

8 thoughts on “I’m a Suckerfish

  1. Happy to hear it. Watched today as an idiot did a left turn into traffic right in front of a huge fire engine with lights, sirens and a nasty loud horn. What a moron. Wish you'd been there!!

  2. Thank you. On behalf of red tanks and white bilboards everywhere, I thank you. A question: In your great state is there any weight assigned to the report of an ambulance driver of vehicles that fail to yield? Fairly often working for the private service I do, we end up transporting organs for transplant. Both of us sit in the front seat, and have prime ability to write plates down of vehicles that do not yield. Any thoughts?



  3. T-rex says Suckerfish is very fitting, seeing as cops deal with scum all day and such.

    I bet it felt great to give a ticket for that.

  4. The city built a new Fire Station just outside my apt window. 3 Months before it was activated they put up control stop lights and set them to flashing yellow. I still see idiots running the run when the engine or first responder is pulling out! But the cops in my area would rather run radar traps, I'm afraid. Good for you!

  5. One of the things I'll say positively for the idjit drivers in SE Michigan is that they are very good about pulling over for vehicles with flashing lights and/or sirens. Cops, Fire trucks, ambulances, rescue vehicles of any type, they pull over to the side of the road asap. Sometimes I see people pulling over before I see/hear the vehicle myself. They also do the right thing when emergency vehicles are pulled over on the road [either greatly slow down or move over one lane, or, often, both.]

    The drivers out here can't figure out traffic rotaries [despite more and more being built out here, ugh], they screw up the whole "broken traffic light is a 4 way stop" thing and the whole "who gets to turn next at the 3/4 way stop" thing. (A friend who grew up here told me they didn't make you do on-road driving tests here to get your license until the late '90s!)

    The other day I actually saw a motorcycle make a turn in front of a moving ambulance – the first time I'd seen something like that in my 3+ yrs living here. I've always liked to believe that in one way or another karma will get people who do not pull over for emergency vehicles. Some day that vehicle might be trying to help or save someone they love.

  6. Moose,

    I'm a firefighter/medic in SE Michigan, and if our state is better than others in yielding to emergency vehicles, I'm scared. Believe me, we have people doing stupid stuff in front of us on almost every run. They stop in the lane we're in, turn in front of us, won't yield, won't move over to give us the lane (despite the law that requires they do). You name it, they've done it.

  7. John — I don't doubt your word one bit. You're the one in the emergency vehicle, my view is only that of the random driver on the road.

    But, yes, be scared. This is the first place I've lived where almost every time I see people pull over. Other places I've lived I've seen piles of cars just ignore the emergency vehicle, not one (other) person pulling over. I've pulled over for one only to have people pull up behind me and LEAN on their horns and start screaming at me for "blocking" traffic. I've slowed down to pass an emergency vehicle (when there was no other lane to move into) and had people tailgate and (again) start screaming because I'm going "too slow," sometimes dangerously weaving around me (usually in a no passing area) to get around me. I've seen near miss after near miss and it's scared the bajeebus outta me.

    It really is disturbingly better out here.

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