You read that right. Technically, it’s called a remora (you’re welcome, ichthyologists!). Genus and other scientific crap notwithstanding, the point remains that I’m the suckerfish…not the shark.
By now, you should be wondering, “Alright, MC. Then just who is the shark, exactly?”
I knew you kids were smart. The shark, dear readers, is the big, shiny, red truck driven by our friends the Firemen.
Follow my logic, here. It’s well established that I’ve got Fire roots deep within that will never fade. I grew up in the firehouse. I’ve got just about as many Fire friends as Cop friends. You needn’t look much further than my friendship with my brother from another mother, HM, to understand. Now, don’t go getting misty-eyed, my Fire friends…I’m still a black-hearted nightmare on a motorcycle. Still, I like to see you guys getting to your calls as quickly as that big ass rig and your driver are willing to go.
Enter the general public. And their seemingly incontrovertible inability to get out of our collective way.
See, when I’m en route to a call and folks don’t get the hell out of my way, there’s little I can do about it right then. Someone else needs my attention more; however, when I hear and/or see Big Red rolling code down the boulevard, I see a grand opportunity to exact justice and rid myself of some pent up rage at all the other clueless mouth breathers from past incidents.
I’ll never forget the first time I pulled someone over for failing to yield to an emergency vehicle. I was still in patrol training and happened to see Fire headed out to do their thing. My FTO was in the car with me and we followed for a bit. As per usual, some hapless fool didn’t get out of the way. He got a ticket. An expensive ticket.
After the violator drove away, I looked at my FTO and asked, “You mind if I make a quick phone call?” He seemed curious…and wary (even then my sarcasm was evident). He acquiesced. I rang my Dad and told him the whole story. I felt like I had righted a wrong from the days of yore when my Dad had those same idiots keeping him from getting to where he needed to be. It was a proud day for us both, I assure you!
So, to all my Fire friends in and about Town…if you see me posted up waiting on you to pull out of the house or you wonder where the damn Motorcop came from all of a sudden, I heard your call when you did and I’m just waiting to suck onto your bumper and exact some justice on all our behalves.