If Bad Parenting Were Illegal, I’d Have Taken This Woman To Prison


This one blew my mind. I’ll just cut to the chase. I stopped a woman for speeding. She had two small children in the second row. This is how it went:

MC: Do you know why I stopped you?

EARL (weird name for a woman, I know. Entirely Apoplectic Raging Lunatic): No. [The attitude was just beneath the surface. She was pissed that I stopped her.]

MC: Do you know what the speed limit is on Main St.?

EARL: 40?

MC: It is 40. Do you know how fast you were going?

EARL: I wasn’t going any faster behind the car that was behind me.

MC (Thinking to myself, “Is she trying to Jedi Mind Trick me?!?): Behind the car behind you?

EARL: I just got a ticket the other day. Can’t you give me a warning?

MC: It would seem to me that a warning wouldn’t get the point across too well since you just got a ticket not too long ago. Seems you haven’t learned your lesson. I’m going to need your license, registration, and insurance.

EARL: I wasn’t speeding. I’m very careful about my speed.

MC: Well, ma’am, unfortunately, today you weren’t careful enough since you were doing 54.

EARL: I can’t believe your going to give me a ticket. You’re an ass.

MC: I need your information. Hang tight and I’ll be right back.

I walked back toward the bike and she. lost. her. mind. She started screaming at me from twenty feet away. It was mostly muffled, but at one point, I distinctly heard the SCUD-like MF-er missile launched my way. You remember she had kids in the car, right? Me, too.

I walked back to the car (calmly believe it or not)…

MC: Ma’am, get out of your car and come talk to me, please.

You know when shark’s eyes roll back in their head when they get ready to attack? That was EARL. She rattled off something unintelligible, but just intelligible enough for me to say, “Get out of the car now. Walk over to the sidewalk and talk to me like an adult.”

MC: Let me ask you a question. Do you think that yelling at me and screaming profanity in front of your children is a smart choice right now?

EARL (yelling): I WASN’T YELLING AT YOU!!

MC: Really? Let me tell you something, I don’t appreciate your attitude, demeanor, or your use of profanity in front of your children. Go back to your car. I’ll be right back with your citation.

EARL: YOU’RE NOT MY MOM! YOU CAN’T TELL ME HOW TO TALK TO MY KIDS!

MC: You are acting like a child.

EARL: AND YOU’RE ACTING LIKE AN ASSHOLE!

MC: Go back to your car. I’m done talking to you.

EARL decided, in her obviously delusional state that it would somehow benefit her to turn around and argue. I told her again to return to her vehicle as it wasn’t safe for her to be walking around on a busy street. At which point, she lobbed the F’n A-hole volley at me. Loudly.

I could do nothing by shake my head at the ridiculousness of not only her over-reaction, but her absolutely abhorrent behavior.

At some point, she demanded to see the lidar. I was inclined to tell her to pound sand as I’m not required to show her and she’d demonstrated repeatedly her inability to be calm and listen to rational discourse. Then, I thought to myself, “Nah. The blog post would be too short, I should totally show it to her.” You’re welcome.

I walked back to the car.

MC: Okay, ma’am, if I can just get you to step out once more, I’ll have you sign this and I’ll show you the lidar.

EARL: I don’t care anymore, just give me the ticket.

MC: Fair enough.

EARL: Fair for you, you mean, you Fucking Asshole! [She said it like it was capitalized. I thought it only fair to do it justice.]

Then EARL broke with reality and did the following:

EARL (turned to her children): This man is an ass! Remember the last cop that stopped Mommy? He was a nice cop. This one is a bad, bad cop. You guys should never talk to the police!

MC: Wow. That is fantastic, ma’am. Thank you for your delightful behavior and for being a great example to your children. If only bad parenting were illegal.

To be fair, I’m not sure she heard the last bit what with the veritable steam whistle emanating from her pie-hole.

The best part of the whole thing was the two citizens that walked by after she drove off. They told me they couldn’t believe she had acted like that. I just chuckled and shrugged as if to say, “What can you do?”

I also ran into another witness later that said he’d be a witness for when the complaint rolled in. Nice to have folks in your corner.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

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14 thoughts on “If Bad Parenting Were Illegal, I’d Have Taken This Woman To Prison

  1. Wow. She should be made to take parenting classes and that should include a part on why we don't tell children the police are bad and not to talk to the police. Idiot.

    I'm refraining from writing what I really think of her and what all should be done to her. I bet she ends up doing jail time in the future.

  2. wow, a motorcop classic… great post! i felt like i was actually there (probably because i got pulled over today and i'm still nervous about it)

  3. The more I see, hear and read of these sorts of parents, the more I think we should have parenting licenses. I mean, you need one to have a dog, right?
    Well played to you on keeping your cool!
    The real victims, as always, are those kids. I just pray they turn out to have bypassed the stupid gene…

  4. Absolutely crazy bitch. I'll be your blog witness.

    If you were inclined, would you be able to take her in because she's unsafe driving her car in such a state? I know it wouldn't be helpful in this situation, but just hypothetically.

  5. Bad thing is she's just taught her children to be afraid of the cops and not to respect them. And the ignorant behavior lives on…

  6. Holy cow that lady was intenese. It's people like her that give kids the idea that police officers are the 'bad guys'. She may think you're an A-hole but I'm sure she won't protest you showing up when her house or car is being burglarized.

    What a moron.

  7. Funny thing is, one pattern I've noticed after 15-20 traffic stops and 11 tickets in the last few years is that the rude cops (you know the traffic stop is off to a fantastic start when the first question a cop asks is "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!") may be rude, but they are much less likely to write you a ticket at the end as long as you perform well on the attitude test.

    On the other hand, every single cop who was polite ended up wasting no time and gave me a ticket. What jerks, I tell ya! 🙂

  8. I think the hardest part of coming back from overseas was seeing a person like that (abliet in a different situation most of the time).

    It made me say "We fought for this?" a number of times. People have to realize that if this society ever crumbles, they'll be held accountable more than once.

  9. Unbelievable. Those poor kids. You know, most parents actually try to protect their kids from incidents like that.

  10. I distinctly remember reading this a while back. Never ceases to amaze me, and we wonder why kids are growing up without any respect for law enforcement (or any authority, for that matter).

  11. I have definitely seen a youtube video titled something like “bogans pulled over by cops” where it pans out really similar to this, but with australian style mouthing off. It makes me cringe every time but I have seen it more times than I’ve watched the video, that’s for sure. Her poor kids, I hope they forget Mum’s example or learn to not be like her in this instance!