I can’t believe you’re doing this to me on Christmas Eve.

I thought about merely titling this post as I did and simply having the body read “Believe it”. But, I’m much to verbose for that!

Here’s the thing, everyone. I know what day it is. I know what day it isn’t. It ain’t Christmas. That’s tomorrow. Tomorrow I will be of good cheer. I won’t be at home with my family. I’ll be here. At work. Merry Christmas. Today, though. Today, if I see you doing some stupid, dangerous shit, guess what….ticket time! Hoorah!

Case in point, I’m heading back to the PD to talk my partner into a cup of coffee (a time honored tradition) when I see two cars traveling the opposite direction. Traffic is light, but it’s raining and the roads are, consequently, wet. The cars are driving around 25 to 30 MPH (that’s between 36 and 44 feet per second). The second car is, at best, 15 to 20 feet behind the car in front. Dangerous in July when the sun is beating down. Even more so in December. In the rain. It takes the average, aware driver 1.5 seconds to perceive and react to outside stimulus…say, the driver in front slamming on the brakes. In 1.5 seconds at 25 to 30 MPH, the vehicle will travel between 54 and 66 feet. That’s just for the second car’s driver to see and react to what happens in front of him, not to mention stopping time, etc. Now, if my math holds up and the laws of physics are accurate (and, just for shits and giggles, let’s assume they are) If the second car is 15 to 20 feet behind the front car, there’s no way he can successfully avoid a collision should the driver in front do something stupid.

So, being the vigilant officer, I stop the second car. Now, he doesn’t have an overtly bad attitude, but I can see it just under the skin. He knows he’s getting a ticket. I politely explain the violation and the inherent danger within. His reponse? Refer to the title of this post. My response, “I wasn’t aware traffic collisions weren’t allowed on Christmas Eve.”

The Grinch? He’s my bitch.