I bet you think you’re funny and original

Alas, you are not. Allow me to explain…

I can’t count the number of times I’ve responded to a business or home for some random 911 call or other nonsense where nothing actually happened or the phone was misdialed. More frequently than I’d like to have happen, there is inevitably some clever SOB who looks at some co-worker, family member, derelict, whatever and the SOB says, “Oh (insert name here), they’re here for you.” Hyuk, yuk, yuk.

Hey. Dumbass. I’m not there for (insert name here). And, what’s more, your ‘joke’ is fucking lame and old and I’ve heard it a zillion times before.

So, here is my solution I plan on implementing the very next time it happens. Actually, there’s a couple solutions:

1. I’m going to have the serious ‘cop look’ on my face, look at (insert name here) and dead pan-ly (real word?) say “He/She is right. Turn around and put your hands behind your back.” Then I’m going to take my cuffs out. They will all chuckle. Then I will use the ‘cop voice’ and say, “HEY! Do I look like I’m kidding. I said turn around.” Just enough to make them all wonder if I’m serious. Then, I just might turn to the original jokester and let him/her know just how funny their stupid joke is.

2. (And much more likely solution) I’m going to tell the jokester, “Actually, I’m not here for (insert name here)…I’m here for you. You’ve got a warrant. Turn around and put your hands behind your back.” Then, I will pretty much continue the above scenario.

I’ve got to have some kind of solution to end the ridiculousness that is that stupid joke.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

4 thoughts on “I bet you think you’re funny and original

  1. Can't you just give Mr. Prankster a ticket for improper use of emergency services or something like that? Obstruction of justice? You could be out catching bad guys, but your helping Mr. Prankster with his very bad punchline 🙁

  2. Ok, wise ass … you don't have to post this – but a certain motor cop I know wondered to himself one day (ok, he was about +/- 15) "why would a fire captain have 911 on speed dial?" … and with that thought still on his lips he dialed it to see if indeed his dad truly had programmed 911. Answer – yup! The look on the face of my motor cop when lights and sirens showed up was worth the price of admission! The fire captain, however, did not see the humor.

  3. Do it MC! If I witnessed this happening I would laugh my ass off! I always wondered how you guys answered that ridiculous situation. Even us in our similar uniforms are referred to as "officer" and we look at our belts and say, "Wow, look, no gun."

  4. I can sympathize with this (sorry I'm posting on such an old post, I only recently found your blog). I was a tour guide at a local cave/cavern for about 5 years. On our tour there was a spot where a few cinder blocks sat. Without fail, at the very least once a week I would get "Hey, what kind of formations are those" chuckle chuckle.

    Oh my, how wonderfully creative and clever you must think you are…ass.

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