How To Use Misdirection To Avoid A Ticket

Isn’t that title adorable?

You mean you came here to learn how to avoid a ticket?  You are too cute.

Did you miss the tag line of this blog?  Well, since you’re here, I’ll tell you a little story about how folks have tried misdirection.

One day, I was minding my own business (probably saving a cat from a tree without the assistance of Town Fire), when I saw a vehicle traveling in excess of the posted speed limit.  Incensed at the egregious nature of such an action, I confirmed my visual estimation of the vehicle’s speed (45 in a 25) using my lidar.  I conducted an enforcement stop, contacted the driver and had the following conversation:

MC: Do you know why I stopped you?

Aspiring Magician (Because of the forthcoming attempt at misdirection): No, sir.

MC: You were hauling ass exceeding the speed limit.

AM: As it happens, officer, I’m glad you’re here.  I wish you had been with me ten minutes ago!

MC (feigning concern): Do tell.

AM: I saw this woman on a cellular telephone device! (Waves hands dramatically).

MC: You don’t say?

AM: Yes, sir.  It was incredibly dangerous!

MC: You mean like driving 20 mph over the speed limit?

AM: Well, I don’t know about that.  I haven’t had a ticket in over a decade.  Certainly, a momentary lapse of judgement shouldn’t equate to financial ruin.

MC: Dude, I’ll grant you that driving whilst talking or texting is dangerous.  Unfortunately for you, driving at 20 mph over the posted speed limit is arguably more dangerous and certainly dumber.  Now, had she been doing both of those things, I’d have made every effort to stop her…and you.

AM begins to attempt these-are-not-the-droids-you-are-looking-for maneuver.

MC (channeling Jabba the Hutt): Ho ho ho. Ya koo tocha ka poonoo nee sok nyee. (Your mind powers will not work on me, boy.)

*Yes, I took the time to research Huttese.  I am nothing if not dedicated to truth and authenticity in both his blog and in the Star Wars Universe.

MC:  And insofar as no tickets in a decade, do you know what that means?  It means you simply haven’t been caught…or some poor car cop or, worse yet, a K9 officer, stopped you and was not concerned about you driving so dangerously.  They won’t be the ones to spend eight hours forensically mapping the carnage when you run over some hapless kid.

The moral of the story?

Your attempts at misdirection, while entertaining fodder for my blog, are meaningless when I stop you.  That being said, though, keep giving it your best shot.  I love the entertainment value.

 

Feature image courtesy of George Lucas

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

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3 thoughts on “How To Use Misdirection To Avoid A Ticket

  1. Now I have an interesting mental image. Jaba bursting the seams of his motor boots, breeches, shirt, and duty gear. Helmet would be roughly the shape of a stir-fry wok. Wonder if he would have two wheels or a heavily re-enforced speeder bike.

  2. Really that was your first comment to someone you stopped? Did you just open the door when you go to court.
    Your Honor, the first thing the officer said to me and I quote ” Do you know why I stopped you?” Your Honor the officer didn’t even know why he stopped me.
    I always went with the opening line of “Morning (or afternoon or evening, never adding good before it) The reason why I stopped you was…”
    But then I was just a lowly car cop and didn’t get to wear long black shiny boots!