Hey! Lazy Ass! How’s about you look around first?

Here’s a suggestion. Before you report your car stolen, why don’t you take three extra minutes and maybe stroll around the lot. You could always meander down a side street. How about across the way? Think maybe your car wasn’t stolen? In the middle of the fucking day? With like 127 people around?

Seriously, folks. I understand the heart-now-in-throat feeling where you realize your car isn’t where you left it. Panic sets in immediately, your blood pressure rises, your faith in humanity plummets. All very normal. Do us all a favor, though. Take a deep breath. Calm down. If your car is truly gone, well, it’s the shits, but that’s why God created insurance. However, maybe, just maybe, your car isn’t actually gone and you are just a forgetful prat of overwhelming proportions.

Oh, and another tip. After you’ve overreacted and hysterically rang 911 claiming to have been the victim of every crime imaginable, only to subsequently find your car (right where your dumbass left it, by the way), I’d very much appreciate it (and I feel confident speaking for all my brothers/sisters in blue) if you’d ring back to say, oh I don’t know, that YOU FOUND YOUR CAR! Know why? ‘Cause after you’re long gone and I am able to clear whatever other detail I was just on, I’m going to arrive at what you reported as your location….only to find you’re not there. Because you drove away in your ‘stolen’ car. Thanks for letting me know you found it and saving me the trouble. Ass.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

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5 thoughts on “Hey! Lazy Ass! How’s about you look around first?

  1. I just had that happen a few weeks ago. Realizing the car probably wasn't stolen from the shopping center at six in the evening I figured a quick swing through the lot might save me the report. Sure enough, found it at the other end from where the complainant was.

    Also, if you are behind on your car payments and the bank is threatening to repo, call them before you report the car stolen. That drives me nuts too.

  2. Nice rant. Guess that scenario irritates you a bit. Every so often we will have a repo that fails to be reported prior to the GTA, or the drunkard at a party "loses" their car…but the majority of GTA's (lost cars) comes from the local mall. So why not work with their security and in most cases, have them escort the "victim" around the lot. Solves most of ours before we even get called…

  3. We have one particular store, in one particular shopping center, that has entry / exit doors on both ends of the store.

    Every time I have gone to this particular store for a vehicle theft report, and believe me, it has been more than a few times, we have found the "stolen" car.

    On the other side of the store…

  4. This happens a lot in my practice. Patients have memory issues, and forget where their cars are. They came back after the appointment to report that their car is stolen.

    My secretary usually goes back out with them to help. In 10 years of this insanity, she's always found the car for them.

  5. We "recovered" a stolen car in the SAME lot it was "reported" stolen.

    LOJAC is wonderful…..and the exspression on the complainants face….priceless…..