Here’s a suggestion. Before you report your car stolen, why don’t you take three extra minutes and maybe stroll around the lot. You could always meander down a side street. How about across the way? Think maybe your car wasn’t stolen? In the middle of the fucking day? With like 127 people around?
Seriously, folks. I understand the heart-now-in-throat feeling where you realize your car isn’t where you left it. Panic sets in immediately, your blood pressure rises, your faith in humanity plummets. All very normal. Do us all a favor, though. Take a deep breath. Calm down. If your car is truly gone, well, it’s the shits, but that’s why God created insurance. However, maybe, just maybe, your car isn’t actually gone and you are just a forgetful prat of overwhelming proportions.
Oh, and another tip. After you’ve overreacted and hysterically rang 911 claiming to have been the victim of every crime imaginable, only to subsequently find your car (right where your dumbass left it, by the way), I’d very much appreciate it (and I feel confident speaking for all my brothers/sisters in blue) if you’d ring back to say, oh I don’t know, that YOU FOUND YOUR CAR! Know why? ‘Cause after you’re long gone and I am able to clear whatever other detail I was just on, I’m going to arrive at what you reported as your location….only to find you’re not there. Because you drove away in your ‘stolen’ car. Thanks for letting me know you found it and saving me the trouble. Ass.