Happy Fourth of July!!!

You might think with a title like this, I might be posting about our lovely country and how great it is to be an American. While those things are true, they’re not even close to the meat and potatoes of what I have to say.

Every year around this time, there is the time-honored tradition of setting off firecrackers (even though it’s illegal in practically every damn county in the State). Gee, thanks for the obvious reminder, MC, you say. Ah, you’re welcome, sarcastic bitches.
What I’d like you all to remember and keep in the forefront of your minds over the next couple weeks is those noises you hear? You know, the loud popping sounds in your otherwise quiet and usually safe, uneventful neighborhood? Yeah, those are more than likely firecrackers, not gun shots.
Without fail, we are inundated in the Town with “prom shoots” (promiscuous shooting). It isn’t unique to Town either, I can pull up calls county-wide and see call after call for prom shoots. Really, people? You can’t put two and two together? Listen, you don’t live in South Central for crying out loud. You think maybe someone’s shooting off some firecrackers? During the Fourth of July? AGAIN? Just like they did last fucking year? And the year before that?
You know, if I had a time machine, I wouldn’t travel back in time to stop, say, Lincoln’s assassination or grab a sports almanac a la Back to the Future II. I’d find the first firecracker inventor guy and give him a smack. Then, I’d start a new tradition for the Fourth. Waving vigorously. That’s it. I now it ain’t exciting, but dammit if it ain’t fucking quiet.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

7 thoughts on “Happy Fourth of July!!!

  1. Please use the proper term for "fire crackers" which is EXPLOSIVES. a truck delivering fireworks is placarded DANGER:EXPLOSIVES, yet when offloaded they're "Safe for children."

    As a paramedic and firefighter, avoid giving your children explosives, regardless of the occasion.
    Besides, the whole history of explosives on the fourth has been lost…I feel a post coming on.

  2. Wow. My comment on HM's post just got WAY more funny after reading yours…

    I crack me up.

  3. If you must smack anyone back in time, please smack the one(s) who determined fireworks should make cops work more.

  4. The only thing legal here is sparklers and yet every year, we have bigger and bigger roadside stands of fireworks for sale. Why they can't shut down these idiots is beyond me.

  5. Here in the 'No Town, we become a literal war zone from the day firecrackers go on sale till about a month after. But the 4th of July is so bad, we get a blanket of smoke from all the exploded fireworks, that looks like a fog, and lasts about 4 days… Its about 107 degrees and no one can breathe. Sounds like fun huh? _Officer

  6. You'd think the residents here, who hear gun fire on a nearly daily basis, would be able to tell the difference when the fireworks go off on July 4.

    Drives me crazy. And I'm working. Great.

  7. Around these parts there's more gunfire than fireworks on the Fourth. New Year's too.

    AK's have a really distinctive sound. Once you've heard it, you'll never forget it.

    Don't get me wrong. Even though pretty much all fireworks (even sparklers Goddess) are illegal in this county, people still head on over to Next County where they are perfectly legal and bring them back here.

    Folks around here don't even bother to call shots fired anymore. Probably because they can't hear themselves talk for all the rounds being cranked off by their neighbors.

    Yet another reason I don't live where I work…

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