For my children…

Today, something very bad happened. Four police officers weren’t able to go home. How do I explain that to you?

I’m sure they kissed their kids goodbye this morning and ruffled their hair. Just like Daddy does. I’m sure the kids asked them, “You come back, Dad?” and they said, “Of course, sweetie.” Just like Daddy does. I’m sure they said “I love you” as they walked out the door. Just like Daddy does. I’m sure they promised you the world. Just like Daddy does.

Daddy came home today. Just like he promised. Why couldn’t the other Daddies do the same thing? I don’t know how I can explain it. You don’t understand Daddy’s job yet. You know he rides a motorcycle. You know where he works. You’ve met the people he works with. But you’re too young to know much more. You’re too young to really understand. I fear the day you do. I wish your innocence would last longer.

Why did those four officers not get to go home today? There’s evil in the world. Some day I’m going to have to explain to you what that really means. For now, I just don’t have the courage. You see, honey, Daddy isn’t brave enough to do that. Daddy is selfish and wants the world to leave you alone. I can’t bear the thought of those bad, dark things coming anywhere near you.

Daddy swore to protect other people from those things long before you were born. You know I always keep my word. In keeping my vow, someday I may have to break my promise to you. The really lousy thing is my promise to come home means more to me than my vow. How do I explain to you why I keep risking breaking my promise and breaking your heart? How does that even remotely make sense?

Baby, I can only hope the time never comes. You know I am good at my job. Just like those officers. You know I will do everything I can to get home. Just like those officers. You know I will stick to my vow. Just like those officers.

How do I explain it to you if it doesn’t make sense to me?

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

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9 thoughts on “For my children…

  1. I agree with CopHawk, no "witty reports". I am a grown man with 2 small ones of my own, I found myself tearing up while reading this post. My heart is breaking and I feel for all persons involved in this, minus the piece of shit that commited the crime. The agancy I worl for is tied into this in a small way and I feel lost and unable to help!

  2. We've chosen a life thats often at odds with the promises we can keep to come home to our families everyday. We knew that when we started our jobs but our passion keeps us doing our thing.
    You captured the anguish we place on our families every time we go to work and the conflicted thoughts that we have in regards to our profession. Thank you for giving voice to the things I'm afraid to admit I stuggle with.
    Thoughts and good vibes for fallen brothers from New Hampshire

    NS

  3. My condolences and thoughts are with you in your time of loss. As a professional firefighter, I sometimes face the same questions you do of if I'll be home at the end of my tour. From a fellow public servant, good luck to you and thank you for the work you do daily.

  4. Your post said it all. I would like to extend my sympathies for the terrible losses. I wish that society would focus on cleaning up the mess instead of empowering scum like Mixon. But most of all, I would like to thank you and any member of the Police force reading – you are appreciated, respected and valued, even if the number of morons out there can drown out that sentiment. Thank you.