You wouldn’t believe some of the ridiculous reasons (to be read ‘excuses’) people give me for why I pull them over. Case in point…
We are currently hip deep in the Click It or Ticket campaign in the fine State of California. Feel free to translate that as if you’re not wearing your seatbelt and I see you, you’re getting a ticket. Used to be a $20 fine. It’s now upwards of $90 to start. Ah, inflation. At any rate, I stopped what was like my 20th person last week for not wearing the seatbelt. I’m riding N/B on Any St. and the violator is driving S/B on the same street. I am less than 20′ from the violator’s vehicle. It’s sunny. I can see the buckle hanging against the B-Pillar of the vehicle. The fucking sun is glinting off the damn thing. An obvious violation. Here’s how the contact went…
me: Do you know why I stopped you?
me: You weren’t wearing your seatbelt.
(violator is now wearing the seatbelt…fairly common, but all too late since I’ve already seen the violation)
violator: But I’m wearing it it.
me: You weren’t when I saw you.
violator: *stunned/frustrated silence*
me: Are you telling me I didn’t see the belt hanging loose on the door pillar and the buckle gleaming in the sun? I’m giving you the opporunity to be honest with me
violator (hands me her info): whatever
me: ok…be right back.
(I go back and scratch out a quick cite and return to the vehicle)
me: ok, go ahead and sign the highlited yellow portion at the bottom. This isn’t a moving violation, but simply a fine.
violator: you only stopped me because I’m a black female.
***break for a moment*** Take a minute and digest that one, shall we? Deep breath. And continue.
me (trying mightly to remain calm): Are you kidding me.
violator: None of my white friends ever get a ticket in Town. I’ve lived here for 30+ years.
me: Well, I wish I could show you my stats of who I stop because I could not care less who they are. If they violate the vehicle code and I see it, they get a ticket. That’s a fantastic attitude you have there, Ma’am. Have a nice day. (quickly walk away before my mouth gets me in trouble).
Ok…after much thought, here is what I would’ve enjoyed saying instead….
violator: You only stopped me because I’m a black female.
me: Dammit! You caught me. I was at the local Supremacy meeting just last night and I decided to employ my most sinister of plans to destroy the Black community. We’ve had enough with the cross burnings and the segregation, and affirmative action. It’s time to pull out all the stops! Those old ways just weren’t getting the job done. I’m going to take all of you down with $100 fines one by fucking one!!! Muahahahahahahaa. Damn you and your civil rights and your flagrant violation of the sanctity of the California Vehicle Code. My one regret is that I can’t cite MLK or Rosa Parks, those fussy malcontents! I bet my seatbelt ticket would’ve brought the entire movement to a screeching halt and our country would be a different place!
Are you fucking kidding me, lady? It’s a traffic infraction fine. Put on your fuckin’ seatbelt and go about your day! The audacity of this woman in this day and age to accuse me of racism over a seatbelt violation. I truly do not care what race, creed, religion, sexual preference, age, insert whatever damn label you want, of any violator I stop. Bottom line is violation = ticket. Should be obvious by now I enjoy the ticket.
Thank the good Lord for the Blog (shudder) as an outlet because I would have loved to give this lady an earful. I hope someday she drives by me while I’m citing one of the bevy of white male juveniles in this Town. Unreal.
Welcome to the ridulousness of today’s citizenry, folks. Feel my pain.