Familial Incontinence

How’s that for pulling in some serious SEO (Shout out to my fellow BlogRocketeers)?  I considered using the word “fecal” in the title, but I remain certain I wouldn’t really want someone who used that particular word in a search to bee-bop their way to MCPD.

In any case, what follows did not happen to me; however, it did happen to my partner.  Come to think of it, every good superhero has a sidekick, right?  SoulCrusher needs a sidekick…get to work.

The other day, my partner (name to be determined) stopped a woman for speeding.  She was polite as could be during the initial contact, but flipped a switch when he returned with a citation.

Partner: Ma’am, this is a citation for speeding in front of the elementary school.

PIG (Pregnant Indignant Girl) [What, it’s okay for us to be called pigs, but I can’t poke fun?]: Can’t you see I’m pregnant?

Partner (noticing if she was, she wasn’t far along): I understand, ma’am, but that doesn’t excuse the violation.

PIG: I’m pregnant and I need to use the bathroom!

Partner: As soon as you sign this, ma’am, you’ll be free to go.

PIG: I hope you have a wife and daughter and they SHIT themselves!

Who says something like that?  So many questions pop to mind.

1. What does my partner’s wife and daughter (which he doesn’t have) have to do with her speeding, or being in the family way, or her own apparent lack of ability to control her bodily waste?

2. What good would incontinence in my partner’s family achieve?

3. Knowing that it wouldn’t really negatively impact my partner, since he was at work and all, what kind of ill will did this woman harbor against my partner’s family?

4. What kind of irrational depths of idiocy must one sink to be completely devoid of human decency and, more importantly, how close to the edge is this chick if a speeding ticket has her threatening my partner’s family with Irritable Bowel Syndrome?

This post and the Starbucks and Cell Phone Debacle have inspired an upcoming rant about how society treats its police officers.  Should be a humdinger!

Photo Credit: Flickr and romana klee

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

7 thoughts on “Familial Incontinence

  1. I’ve heard people joke about the “gotta go” excuse when getting stopped. Has it ever actually worked? (Obviously, the odds plummet when you wish explosive movements on the family of the officer…)

  2. LOL This is a really funny post. I didn’t know you had that much humor in you. Ooops. I meant to say, what a consistently humorous man you are.

  3. Can youi imagine if this were a Stephen King novel, or something? (Ever read Thinner?) Would bring a whole new meaning to incontinence. I digress.

    Very funny, MC! Keep ’em coming.

  4. In fairness, a pregnosaur will say some pretty hostile things with minimal cause. What REALLY sends them ballistic is pointing out that they’re hormonal. Then your partner would have had to take her in for attempted murder.

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