Do You Like Your MacBook?

…then don’t leave it on the front seat of your car, putz.

If I had a dollar for every auto burglary I’ve taken in which some well-intentioned, albeit naive-as-hell, citizen left their prized possession on the front seat of their freaking car, I’d have been out of debt years ago.  In my experience, men will leave the cell phone, GPS, iPod and the like on the dash or on the center console.  Women…oh, you women…you lot leave your purses (which are worth more than the shit you carry in them) right in plain view.

Both of you have the audacity to shocked and offended when we, your every-trusty police force, show up to take the report.  Half of you can’t believe someone would smash your window.  The other half of you can’t believe someone got into your car without breaking anything.  (There’s a reason nothing is broken, by the by).


Ignorant Ira/Ignorant Eileen (II/IE): Thank God you’re here, Officer!

MC (sarcasm ever at the ready): That’s why we get paid the big bucks.

II/IE: My laptop and/or purse is missing from my car!

MC: When’s the last time you saw it?

II/IE: Last night around eight.

MC: Okay.  Did you lock your car?

II/IE: I sure did, Officer!

MC: Are any of your windows broken?

II/IE: No, sir.

MC: Did your alarm sound at any point?

II/IE: No.

MC: Well, odds are you left the car unlocked.

II/IE: There’s no way I’d do such a thing.

MC: If someone saw your laptop and/or purse in the car in plain sight and there’s no broken glass, and there’s also no damage to the window trim, you left it unlocked.

II/IE: I can’t believe someone would come to Town and do such a nefarious thing!

MC: There’s a lot of nice stuff in Town.  If I were a crook, I’d come here.  You folks are nice enough to leave $1500 laptops and purses with names I can’t pronounce that are worth more than a week’s work right in your leased import.  In the future, if you want to keep it, don’t keep it in your car.  It literally takes less than 10 seconds to steal some expensive items from a car…locked or not.

II/IE: I’m aghast at your roguish charm, Officer, and you speak volumes of wisdom.  I shall heretofore heed your warnings.

End Scene.

I keep petitioning people in power above me to issue us cards that we can drop once a month that say something to the effect of “You had this crime coming” and then we wouldn’t have to document someone’s lazy stupidity.

They have yet to acquiesce to my aforementioned roguish charm.

Stubborn bastards.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

19 thoughts on “Do You Like Your MacBook?

  1. I hear you, MC. And I don’t disagree about the naivete (or even downright stupidity) of these people who leave their valuables in their cars and/or their cars unlocked.

    I have to point out that there is a reverse side to this, though, and unfortunately I’ve only ever been on this other side: when you don’t leave valuables in your car, and you do lock it, but people keep breaking into it because a) you can only afford to live in a shitty apartment complex with no secure parking and b) for some reason the car thieves seem to have a serious hardon for Honda Civics (I did NOT know this before I bought my car and still don’t really understand it)… and neither the cops nor the insurance company give you any sympathy or real help.

    All that sucks ass too – just wanted to point that out.

    In other news, it’s so great to see you back on the interwebs!! 😀

    • I totally understand all that, believe me. After countless reports of the same ridiculous event, it wears one down a bit, though. I’m just as sympathetic to the last vic as I was to the first. I just get to clown them a bit on the interwebs.

      • Don’t worry, I get it. This is totally the right place to blow off steam and make fun of people…and some of these people clearly deserve it. I guess I just wanted to say (since it has happened to me) that not everyone whose car gets broken into is that dumb. (Or so I’d like to believe… :P)

  2. The daughter of a work friend just recently left her camera in her unlocked car overnight and lo and behold it was gone by the morning.
    My plan is to leave the camera’s operating booklet in the same unlocked vehicle and then to lie in wait to see who comes back for it.
    A very cunning plan, Yes?

  3. i am disqualified from making fun of people who lose valuable things because they left their car unlocked

  4. Of course, if your car is old and crappy *enough* it can be broken into without any broken glass or other damage.

    When I bought my fisrt car, I picked something no-one was likely to want to steal, as I knew it would spend most of it’s time parked in dodgy areas. i would regularly return to find a row of cars, all of them with a broken window, except mine, becasue it was so easy to get into there was no need to break anything…

    Of course, I never left anything in it.

    Even now, I don’t leave anything in the car which can be seen, and VERY rarely leave anything of any value in it at all. So far, that’s worked pretty well as an anti-theft device.

  5. We have about 10-15 kids in my town that are CONSTANTLY doing this. Thank god its getting cold. It speaks volumes how we managed to catch two, one got a lengthy suspended sentence and has actually been completely compliant with his conditions. Since this happened, I probably get about a tenth as many theft from MV files. Coincidence? I think not.

    • These things are pretty cyclical. Once we catch one or two, it dies off a bit and picks back up with a fresh batch of knuckleheads.

      Job security.

  6. Having served on a county grand jury for three months, I lost track of the number of indictments we returned for people who stole items like you describe from vehicles, and then bring them to pawn shops or try to sell them on eBay or Craigslist. Detectives watch for that, and fortunately catch some of them.

    What I don’t know is how many cases we did not see — that is, how many crooks stole stuff and didn’t get caught by trying to make quick bucks.

    There were a number of cases of pure knuckleheads that we heard about on the Grand Jury — and not just the crooks, but property owners who (like you said) had stuff stolen that they left in plain view.

    A note to the owners of such stuff, as you pointed out, MC: if you want to keep it, don’t leave it in your vehicle! A note to the crooks: yeah, go ahead and bring it to a pawn shop. Be sure to leave a copy of your photo ID with a current address, so it is easy for the cops to find you. Smile for the video surveillance while you’re at it.

  7. Do they really mention your “rougish charm” and your wisdom?

    I keep forgetting to take my stuff with me when I leave my car…. not used to having things worth stealing….

  8. Many moons ago I lived in charming Albuquerque new Mexico, on the south west side for those in the know. This was back in the days of the CD player walkman that plugged into the cassette deck. Ah memories…I had left it on the seat one night and only noticed when I climbed back in the next day that it was still there. And my driver’s window was down. The part of town was so bad that we didn’t steal from each other I guess. Not taking chances I removed it diligently from then on. Fast forward to my current residence when 2 years ago someone walked right onto my driveway and went through my unlocked car. They took 2 baking racks, a pair of my uniform pants, a razor and an almost 10 year old digital camera. Crime of opportunity. I now barely even leave the garage door open without being there.

  9. Back in high school, I remember hearing about kids getting their stereos stolen in their run down cars. lol My parents always told me to never leave anything in the car, and if you have to put it under the seat out of view so I’ve never had it happen, yet.

  10. The only items that I can think of which were stolen wasn’t inside my truck. Someone stole the two headlights out of it. Doors locked,no real pricey stuff inside,just my headlights. And I still don’t why he/she/them only took the lights. Well,at least,who ever did,left the screws. Peace.

  11. Summit County Sheriff’s Department in Ohio has a card that basically says “We value your safety and your property”. It has boxes that you can check that say please lock your car, close your garage, take your valuables inside, etc..

    Of course, people are only going to say “Why didn’t YOU take steps to prevent this and take all the bad guys off the street?” anyways. You know, thought that counts I guess.


  12. I myself am a victim of this, but mine was a little more ridiculous. I was running into my apartment for lunch and left a north face backpack in my car. It was right as school got out which was right across the street from my apartment and within 30 minutes in the middle of the day my car was broken into and the bag was gone. Luckily nothing of value was in the bag but I have now learned my lesson to never leave anything of value in my car even if I only leave for 30 mins in the middle of the day!

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