Do you dislike your wildly overpriced Mercedes that much?

This is directed at you. Yeah, you, you old bitty. The next time you leave your late model Mercedes out in front of your nail and/or hair salon unlocked, with the keys in it, running…well, I’m just going to steal your fucking car. Just to teach you a lesson. I won’t drive it far and I want permanently deprive you of it, but holy shit, lady. Are you out of your mind?

And yet folks here in Town wonder why property crime is so blessed prevalent.

**Author’s note: My partner actually took this detail a couple weeks ago, but I’m fairly certain the vehicle in question was not the ’09 McLaren (MSRP $495,000) pictured here. But the point remains.

I also realize this particular post reads similar to the author of fupenguin…I just couldn’t resist. I find it ridiculously funny. I realize some of you disagree; however, it should give you a peek into my psyche. Sobering, yes?**

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

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7 thoughts on “Do you dislike your wildly overpriced Mercedes that much?

  1. GREAT POST! As a manager of multiple retail centers, I often wonder why people are surprised when their cars are broken into and their wallet/laptop/purse/etc. that was left in plain view is stolen.

  2. On the flip side do you really need to lock AND arm your car alarm just to go in and pay for gas? Really???

    LOL.

  3. If I was into burglary, theft, and fraud, I would TOTALLY live in The Town. That place is FILLED with marks. Not bad people, per se, but people that are somewhat obnoxious and have lots of pretty trinkets that fetch a tidy sum on E-Bay.

    The ultimate victims are the insured that pay for the idiocracy's failure to understand security, but if I was a crook, I really wouldn't care, and, perhaps, I wouldn't be able to comprehend the moral issues related to taking the overpriced from the undeserving.

    I just read through what I just wrote, and I have a feeling of content superiority. Aided by Kirkland Signature premium vodka, "its a good thing."

  4. In my city we have been telling people for YEARS!! do not open your garage, start your car, go back inside for a quick cup of coffee and EXPECT your car to be in the garage when you get back!!! It just won't be there!

    Cannondale: Yep my town also! I actually lock the car while I'm still outside filling it up! Cause someone will be on the other side opening my door and taking my stuff while I'm in the back pumping gas!
    -Dispatcher

  5. a-to-the-men brother! I swear people get dumber and dumber by the day. And they wonder why when they say that the person who broke into their house entered through the OPEN FRONT DOOR the line is just silent cause I try my best to hold back "YOU'RE A DUMBASS AND DESERVE IT YOU MORON!".

  6. Wonders what fantasy world Cannondale lives in.

    I'm not as cautious about locking my car as I should be but I do lock it when I'm going more than a foot from it. Also depends on the neighborhood.