Dear Brad Paisley

Brad Paisley Brad PaisleyOh, Brad, Brad, Brad.

Can I call you Brad? Great.

Recently, I’ve made an effort to get back into country music. Before some of my less-country-fan friends chime in, I feel it necessary to explain a couple of things.

First, my Dad was born in South Carolina. Greenville (or Grn’vul if you’re from there as it seems vowels are hard to come by), to be specific. At any rate, that means I got redneck in my blood. (Please note the lack of “have” in that sentence. See? Southern.)

Second, back in the early 90’s country made a serious resurgence and I became a serious fan. I love me some Garth, Travis Tritt, Trisha Yearwood, Faith Hill, and Vince Gill amongst others. (As a matter of fact, I just fired up Garth’s In Pieces as I write this.) That music was formative during that time of my life and it holds a special place in my heart.

In less than four years, the Wife and I, if all goes to plan, will be leaving the state of Kalifornia for greener (there’s irony for you) pastures. We are considering a move to Tennessee for Phase 2 of our lives. (Considering, Mom, just considering.) Thus, the return to the country genre.

As a small step to making that move and as a utilizer of Amazon Prime, I’ve started hitting up Amazon Music. Whilst listening to “Modern Country”, I had occasion to hear your song “Crushin’ It” from the album Moonshine In The Trunk.

And that is the reason I write to you today.

Let me start by saying, I am understanding (or at least am hopeful) of the tongue-in-cheek feel behind it. It’s country…I get it.

But we need to have a serious talk about one lyric in particular:

Every week has a weekend
By this time Friday night
I’ll be done with my third can
Of cold Bud Light
And I’ll be crushin’ it
Yeah, I’ll be crushin’ it

Read more:  Brad Paisley – Crushin’ It Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Dude. Bud Light?

Right now, there are a ton of cops (who aren’t even country music fans, by the way) coming to your defense. They are touting the typical responses of a Bud Light drinker:

  • I can drink a ton of them and not get drunk.
  • I can buy 36 of them for $4.00
  • I like the way it tastes. It’s refreshing.

I’m gonna work backwards. First, no one likes the way it tastes. Water has no taste and nearly the same alcohol content. I will concede you may think you like the taste, but that’s only because you’ve never tried real beer.

As a financial coach, I commend your willingness to apply sound financial principles in your pursuit to be frugal. As a beer fan snob, though, there are just some things with which I prefer quality over quantity. I can go to the dollar store and buy my kids a freaking metric ton of toys for very little, but they won’t last the day.

Quality, Brad, quality.

Finally, the purpose of beer isn’t too get blitzed every. single. time. you drink it. Beer should be enjoyed for its taste and appreciated for the process with which it is created.

That being said, though, the result of imbibing is to get that lovely buzz on. I get it…so I don’t really understand the argument of drinking a ton of something and not getting drunk when a natural consequence is that very experience.

If you want to drink a ton of something and not receive that natural consequence, you may as well have a fancy bottled water (which is most likely tap water, by the way).

If I may be so bold, Brad, may I suggest a change to the lyric?  How about this:

Every week has a weekend
By this time Friday night
I’ll be done with my third pint
Of cold Denogginizer
And I’ll be crushin’ it
Yeah, I’ll be crushin’ it

If that is acceptable, I feel it incumbent upon myself to warn you of a couple of things.

  1. Denogginizer is a double IPA. It is full of wonderful, wonderful hops. It is what we call “flavorful”. It will initially freak out your taste buds and scare your nose.
  2. Denogginizer’s ABV is 9.75% compared to your Bud Light’s 4.2%. It will kick your ass, but you will thank it for taking the time to do so.
  3. Denogginizer doesn’t come in a can because it is real beer. I do not recommend treating the container in which the beverage comes in the same fashion as your can of “beer”. Because you will end up in the hospital with a concussion and/or laceration.

Brad, I get that Bud Light is culturally emblematic with regard to country music. But, if we can make a concerted effort to engrain an appreciation for quality beer in country fans, we can make difference in the world.

It won’t feed hungry people in the island nation of Palau, but still…

cc: Kenny Chesney (I’ve seen your Corona sponsorship…you’re walking a thin line, Chesney.)  Also, your website shows you wearing white sunglasses. You may want to read this. You’re welcome.

This post is in no way sponsored by Drake’s Denogginizer. That being said, however, I’m totally down for them to sponsor #TheCrossoverShow Podcast.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

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17 thoughts on “Dear Brad Paisley

  1. lol as someone who was raised on corn bread and biscuits, and if it’s broke round here, we fix it… i can tell you that that hardest thing to let go of…was bud light. BUT, i have been educated…and cannot drink that water any more. I have learned to appreciate a really good Guinness, any red, and, well, home-crafted is even better. 🙂 you come to the south…we can be edumacated 😉

  2. I’d like to introduce Motorcop to Founders Brewery in Grand Rapids, MI. You are very welcome.

  3. MC you may be right regarding Bud Light’s quality, but I argue that there are few things better than a cheap beer after hard work on a hot day. At least its not The Beast or Natty Light

  4. You should be looking at Texas for stage 2. Very retirement friendly and no income tax or Hall Tax

  5. “Occasionally” is putting it mildly. “Grin from ear to ear” & “Literally Laugh out Loud” would be better descriptions. The rarely used “guffaw” is also in the running.

    Thank you so much for your intelligent “rantings” & humorous anecdotes. I truly enjoy them.