I’ve been amazed at a human’s ability to self-delude. For my fellow LEOs, how many times have you heard someone tell you, “These aren’t my pants” after finding dope in their pocket. For my non-LEO friends…yeah, people actually say that shit.
By the way, the pants in the featured image or most assuredly not my pants. Outside of hair metal and/or arena rock, who the hell wears pants like that?
I withdraw the question for fear of actually getting answers. But, I digress…
How many of you have a) not checked your friend’s pant’s pockets before putting them on or, and this is more likely, b) NEVER WORN YOUR BUDDY’S FREAKING PANTS!
Now, I realize you ladies may not necessarily qualify for that second bit; however, us dudes typically don’t borrow our friend’s pants. It’s weird. Not to mention the fact that of all the people on Earth, one of the last people I’d borrow pants from would be my nasty tweaker pal.
My point is I’ve always been baffled by the statements criminals make about their obvious guilt. Case in point, a burglar was caught on tape holding stolen property. The burglar is shown a picture of himself holding the aforementioned stolen property. It is undoubtedly the same cat. He says, “That isn’t me”.
I’ve wondered that for years. I’ve come up with seven reasons.
1. He’s a moron. This is my most solid reason and is easily used in conjunction with the other reasons.
2. He thinks that if he repeats it enough, he’ll believe it thus cleansing his diseased and dirty conscience.
3. He’s a Jedi and those actually aren’t the droids we’re looking for.
4. He thinks I’m a moron or at least simple-minded. A possibly fair assessment. I think we all know that one cop that isn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the box.
5. He has a scumbag lawyer that tells him to deny everything regardless of its painfully and overwhelmingly obvious veracity.
6. His lawyer is a moron. (Refer to #5)
7. He thinks his twelve “peers” on the eventual jury are just as ignorant as he is. He may figure when his legal representation mentioned in #5 and/or #6 puts him in a shirt and tie and he no longer smells like a meth lab and he smiles without his teeth showing because the crank has destroyed them and he buries his recalcitrance, well then maybe, just maybe, it’ll work out just fine and those damn cops will stop harassing his allegedly law-abiding ass.
At any rate, I’ve long since stopped being shocked at people denying the obvious. Their ability to delude themselves, whatever their motivation, is weirdly impressive, if not wicked freaking stupid. Now, I just laugh at them.
To be fair, I laughed at them before, too.