The Case of the Misguided Cop and Bovicide

Poor Misguided Cop.

The guy wears white sunglasses one time and he is forever unclean…or at least the focus of another amusing tale.

To avoid the moniker “Misguided Cop” from following the poor bastard around, what say we give him a name?

It isn’t his real name.

Let’s choose Dale.

He looks like a Dale.

I now give you the further adventures of Dale, Former Misguided Cop.The Town is mostly surrounded by rolling hillsides. Those rolling hillsides have any number of wild animals that call them home.

We’ve had mountain lion calls (none of which have ever been substantiated to the best of my knowledge). We get vehicle versus deer collisions from time to time. There are horse pastures and trails. And there are also cows.

You get the idea.

Consequently, it isn’t outside the realm of possibility for the occasional cattle member (I assume that’s accurate, I’m not a rancher) to make a break for it and find himself/herself in a more urban landscape than they typically prefer.

The other day, Dale was dispatched to Bossie cruising down a residential street.

The pursuit, albeit a slow one, ensued.

My absolute favorite part of all the radio traffic was what follows:

Sarge: Car to car, describe the cow, please, so I can try to identify the owner.

Dale: Um…it’s big. And it’s black.

I was praying to all that is holy that Dale would stop right there. It would have been perfection. Alas, Dale is not as brave as I smarter than me.

Dale: It’s got a green tag with 456 on it.

Since this is my little soapbox/platform from which to speak, allow me to re-enact the radio traffic using what I would have said.

Sarge: Car to car, describe the cow, please, so I can try to identify the owner.

MC: It’s big and black. It’s eyes are a deep, soulful brown. The udders appear pale grey, no wait, definitely off-white. One teat is distinctly lower than the other. It smells like week-old manure and is currently beating flies off with its tail. Don’t get me started on the tail…it’s like a whole other appendage. I think it’s trying to hypnotize me.

There’s another part of our story, though.

It seems the owner showed up and asked Dale if he’d euthanize the cow.  Dale appropriately declined the request for bovicide and left the scene.

Perhaps not so ironically later, Dale was dispatched to what we call a “Prom Shoot”, or promiscuous shooting. That call was suspiciously in the same vicinity Dale last saw the rancher and Bossie. Seems the rancher may have taken matters into his own hands.

I should say Dale claimed he left the scene. I have my doubts, thus the picture below now adorns our report writing room door.


Cops who know how to use PicMonkey are dangerous.


Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

9 thoughts on “The Case of the Misguided Cop and Bovicide

  1. Farmer called about someone in his barn. A migrant worker was, well, seducing a calf with sweetened milk. Til the day I die that one is called the moo job.

  2. Saw a herd of officers chasing a rogue heifer once, she gave them a run for their money for sure! One officer was afraid of her and every time she got close he jumped out of the way and squealed like a little girl! Poor guy, he wasn’t from farming country apparently. Lolol!

  3. there may be a picture floating around of an officer standing on his patrol car after being chased there by a bull.

  4. A certain K9 cop in a town just south of MC’s jurisdiction that missed the wounded Bambi with the patrol rifle not once, not twice, not thrice…5 times all whilst being video recorded by his beat partner. “Nice shot F-face!” was the priceless commentary!!!

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