Apparently, I am the light beer of the traffic enforcement world. The other day, I was sitting on a stop sign waiting for my date with destiny when lo and behold, there it went…at 40 MPH through the stop sign.
As my rear wheels spun like mad on the pile of leaves I was parked on (gotta love Fall), I threw on the emergency lights and lit around the corner. When I was about halfway through the turn, I saw the offending vehicle waiting patiently down the street about 150′ parked on the side of the road waiting on my arrival.
How very kind, indeed!
I pulled in behind the car, got out, and contacted the driver. Before I said word one…
LAMB (Lady Apparently Mistaking me for a Bartender…a stretch? Perhaps.): I missed it, didn’t I?
MC: Oh, most assuredly ma’am.
LAMB: Do you have to give me a ticket?
MC: Ma’am, you just shot through a stop sign at 40 mph like it wasn’t even there. Yes, I’m going to issue you a citation today.
LAMB: Can you make it a light one?
**A light one? What’s a light one? Lady, you’re not ordering one of those weak excuses for a beer, here. I’m not your local affable watering hole mate, I’m a police officer.**
MC: I’m sorry, ma’am. A light one? Those don’t exist. It’s pretty black and white out here. You either get one or you don’t. There isn’t a scale from which I can draw.
I chuckled all the way back to the car (I was covering a beat) and wrote out the ticket. One of the things I love about traffic stops is the frequent use of “but I’ve never had a ticket before” or “I haven’t had a ticket in over ten years”.
Here’s the thing, kids…you are not Obi Wan. So, put your hand down. Those are indeed the droids I’m looking for. So, knock off your lame attempts at Jedi mind tricks. You’re embarrassing yourself (and the entire Galaxy, by the way). Using those phrases does not equate to getting out of a ticket. Besides, I’m more skilled in the Jedi arts than you. Want an example?
I once made a Michigan fan (dig that, Setla!) yell, “Go Irish!” at the top of his lungs to get out of a ticket. And he did it with a smile on his face….
I love my job.