In a comment on my Facebook page, Stan Kittrell made an whimsically snarky comment about speed limit signs. In true MC form, I ran with that and took the snark up a notch. Imagine that.
MC: Do you know why I stopped you?
MC: Do you know what the speed limit is?
Driver: Oh, I’m not from around here.
MC: Oh! Well then. I’d like to take this opportunity to apologize for our camouflaged speed limit signs. They aren’t really fair. I’ll bet the city you live in has those black and white regulatory signs that are so 1974. I’ll bet they’re in plain view and displayed for everyone to see. How bourgeois!
MC: I’m also irretrievably overcome by sorrow at our use of Cyrillic on our camouflaged signs. I mean if, by some stretch of the imagination, you were to see our difficult signs, we had the audacity to use a script from the first Bulgarian Empire in the 10th century. (Yeah, I hit up Wikipedia…don’t judge me.) And the fact that we included Cyrillic equations on top of it?!?! Travesty.
Driver: Listen, officer, I’m sorry for my speed, but…
MC: No, no, no. You shouldn’t apologize to me, good sir. It’s damn near criminal negligence that we have that troop of clowns on the opposite side of the street juggling those flaming chainsaws and Chihuahuas to distract you on the off chance you see the camouflage sign and majored in Cyrillic at University. Do you know how much those clowns charge? That’s why we have to write so many tickets. See, people have been right all along. It’s all about revenue generation…but the fees go right to those clowns. They’re practically extorting us.
Driver: I don’t understand what’s happening.
MC: Ah, I see they also don’t have sarcasm where you’re from. Bummer.