If I had a nickel for every time I heard “I sped up to get away from that crazy driver” I’d have, well, uh…at least 75 cents. Besides earning enough to flood my system with my much beloved caffeine, let’s look at that statement, shall we?
Come to think of it, let’s start by looking at the exact opposite of that statement. “I slowed down to let that crazy driver get farther away from me.” How many collisions have ever happened and/or citations been issued based on that statement? Using my sophisticated and highly trained mathematical-type knowledge, I’m going out on a limb and say, let’s see…carry the 2, yup…NOT ONE FUCKING INCIDENT!
See how common sense works, folks? If there’s some raging douche bag driving like an asshole, cutting everybody off, flipping the bird, blaring his inner city gangsta rap (cuz his pale parents just don’t get how fucking street he really is), the answer isn’t speeding up to get away from him. There are so many reasons why, but feel free to choose one from the following list:
1. He’ll turn onto a sidestreet and you’ll still be speeding because you’re pissed off. This is when I hit you with the lidar, cite you, and blog about what a lying sack you are.
2. Now, both of you idiots are speeding and creating twice the danger on the road. Great plan, genius.
3. See #2 and add on that now you’re both pissing off other people creating a massive downward spiral of anger and rage. That plus speed equals someone getting hurt
4. You catch up to him, flip him off in return, and get shot because although he isn’t really that street, he’s stupid enough to think he is and he carries a gun.
5. You catch up to him, flip him off in return, he pulls up next to you at the next stop sign, pulls you from the car and beats the living shit out of you because he has testicles the size of raisins from the ‘roids.
There are quite a number more I could scratch out, but you get the point. How hard is it to just let it go? Listen, I’ve been there. I know how it feels. I can unequivocally tell you, though, that douche bag will most certainly get his comeuppance. You may never see it happen, but it will happen as sure as the day is long. It always does.
So, do us all a favor. Don’t add to the problem. Slow down. Let it go. No one is going to pull up to you and yell, “You pussy! I can’t believe you’re gonna take that! You’re such a little bitch!” If anything, think to yourself, “I did it, MC! I just let it go.”
You never know…maybe you’ll see me citing the prick around the next bend. I’ll look for you. I’ll smile that knowing smile and you can go forth proud of yourself for both resisting the urge to speed and saving the embarrassment of handing me the line about how you had to speed “to get away from the crazy driver.”