Brace yourself…another lame speeding excuse.

If I had a nickel for every time I heard “I sped up to get away from that crazy driver” I’d have, well, uh…at least 75 cents. Besides earning enough to flood my system with my much beloved caffeine, let’s look at that statement, shall we?

Come to think of it, let’s start by looking at the exact opposite of that statement. “I slowed down to let that crazy driver get farther away from me.” How many collisions have ever happened and/or citations been issued based on that statement? Using my sophisticated and highly trained mathematical-type knowledge, I’m going out on a limb and say, let’s see…carry the 2, yup…NOT ONE FUCKING INCIDENT!
See how common sense works, folks? If there’s some raging douche bag driving like an asshole, cutting everybody off, flipping the bird, blaring his inner city gangsta rap (cuz his pale parents just don’t get how fucking street he really is), the answer isn’t speeding up to get away from him. There are so many reasons why, but feel free to choose one from the following list:
1. He’ll turn onto a sidestreet and you’ll still be speeding because you’re pissed off. This is when I hit you with the lidar, cite you, and blog about what a lying sack you are.
2. Now, both of you idiots are speeding and creating twice the danger on the road. Great plan, genius.
3. See #2 and add on that now you’re both pissing off other people creating a massive downward spiral of anger and rage. That plus speed equals someone getting hurt
4. You catch up to him, flip him off in return, and get shot because although he isn’t really that street, he’s stupid enough to think he is and he carries a gun.
5. You catch up to him, flip him off in return, he pulls up next to you at the next stop sign, pulls you from the car and beats the living shit out of you because he has testicles the size of raisins from the ‘roids.
There are quite a number more I could scratch out, but you get the point. How hard is it to just let it go? Listen, I’ve been there. I know how it feels. I can unequivocally tell you, though, that douche bag will most certainly get his comeuppance. You may never see it happen, but it will happen as sure as the day is long. It always does.
So, do us all a favor. Don’t add to the problem. Slow down. Let it go. No one is going to pull up to you and yell, “You pussy! I can’t believe you’re gonna take that! You’re such a little bitch!” If anything, think to yourself, “I did it, MC! I just let it go.”
You never know…maybe you’ll see me citing the prick around the next bend. I’ll look for you. I’ll smile that knowing smile and you can go forth proud of yourself for both resisting the urge to speed and saving the embarrassment of handing me the line about how you had to speed “to get away from the crazy driver.”

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

12 thoughts on “Brace yourself…another lame speeding excuse.

  1. Exactly. I'd much rather have the insane driver in front of me where I can keep an eye on them. All I have to do is drive the speed limit, and they'll be out of sight pretty darn quick. If I speed up, they'll just be in sight longer.

    There have been occasions where I've come up behind a car that's driving slowly and having trouble staying in their lane – I'll wait until things are pretty clear, then move quickly to get around them, but I don't need to jackrabbit down the road for the next mile to try and 'get away' from them. Just get out of immediate collision range, and again, they'll take themselves away quick enough.

  2. Imagine how much less roadrage would be there if the slowpokes who insist on driving the speed limit actually stayed out of the leftmost 1-2 lanes to begin with.

  3. That kind of logic is just freaky!
    Slow down, avoid citations, minimize the risk to others and smell the coffee. What a concept. It's so crazy it might even save lives…keep it up MC, you may start a trend worth fighting for!

  4. Hi MC,

    Kinda different but sorta the same:

    I was running road-side a while ago and a guy passed me in a huge, lifted Dodge pick-up, he tramped it just as he passed me, guess he figures negative attention is better than no attention at all.

    I was just getting to the palms up-lifted, WTF gesture, when an RCMP car pulled out of the side street ahead of me with all the pretty lights flashing. hanging a hard right in pursuit of said lifted Dodge.

    I think that cop saw every tooth in my head as I flipped him the thumbs-up and laughed my ass off at the attention whore in the big black truck.

    Where's a cop when you need one? Well, obviously, he's right there : D

  5. I'm going to have to disagree with you here and I'll gladly take my ticket if I need to…drunk in front of me acting all crazy is an accident waiting for me to drive into…drunk in my rearview is completely harmless (to me).

  6. There is totally merit to this; I have a friend who (really, just the one time) was passive. She let the tailgating, swerving, cutting off piece of shit pass her….and about three minutes later came up on them after their car had slid into a cement barrier on the freeway. In her words "Wow. Sure glad they didn't take me with 'em." I wish I could say it made me a road pacifist. I'll try harder. Although I don't lie if I get pulled over at least.

  7. Once upon a time 🙂 I was driving in the middle of Freakin-Nowhere Ohio. (that's a real place, I saw it on a map! I swear!) I was on 80 or 90 or whatever the big E/W highway is there, with Mister Cruise Control set for 65, the state highway speed limit.

    I'm minding my own business in the far right lane when a car comes up behind me, clearly less than 2 car lengths, and starts tailgating me.

    I figure, ok, there's an exit coming up, he wants to get off. No big deal.

    Exit comes, exit goes. Nutjob still on my tail.

    Now I'm waiting for him to start honking and frantically pointing that I should pull over. [I've had this happen before. It's scary, and I'm not stupid enough to fall for it.] When it doesn't, I bump my cruise control up to 68 (yes, yes, I know) and pull into the middle of 3 lanes. The car follows, and increases speed to stay on my behind. Note that this whole time there have been very few cars on the road. If he wanted to pass me he could have, 1001 times.

    At this point I'm starting to get seriously weirded out. I thought about calling 911 but what am I gonna say, "Nutjob is tailgating me and won't bugger off"? So I pull back into the right lane where I belong, drop my speed back down to 65, turn up the music (yeah, yeah, I know) and wait.

    Eventually a rest stop comes along. I signal & pull off. THANKFULLY, the other car doesn't. Even if it was some whackjob trying to make me pull over nothing is going to happen (I hope) in the middle of a busy parking lot in broad daylight.

    I've since found, btw, that this happens to me EVERY TIME I GO THROUGH OHIO. For some period of time someone rides on my tailpipe and won't get off, despite there being more than enough room (MILES!) to pass me. I don't get it, and frankly, I think these people are just as scary as the speed nuts.

  8. Only once did I have this situation where I just sat back and let it roll away and came around the corner a ways down the long road to see a cop tag the nut job.

    It was a rather diabolical set of laughter that I peeled off. Good thing the windows were up, could of startled the cop.

  9. DISCLAIMER: I have not completed any formal tactical driving education nor have I served in a combat zone. What's written below is based on personal experiences and common sense.

    This one hits rather close to home for me. Without getting into too much detail, I belong to the 'accelerate' camp when it comes to the actual road rage incidents rather than just the occasional good-natured horseplay.

    As far as scenarios 1-3 go, attracting police attention is a sound strategy if you get a really bad feeling about the asshole behind you and think that the situation may well end up turning into scenario 5, or worse yet, #4. The reality is that every obvious turd out there (v. a soccer mom doing 50 in a 35 in a minivan) should be assumed to be armed until they're searched. Also consider the fact that the hostile vehicle will also have to deal with the increased danger of collision, as well. This goes double if your skills and vehicle handle better than those of the hostile driver. I admit that there is an element of danger to the undeserving public, but saving my bacon from Rapid Lead/Fist Poisoning Syndrome takes priority.

    If you suspect that you might end up on the sorry end of #4 or #5 scenarios, there's not much to lose by upping the ante in terms of driving unless your driving skills totally suck, IMO. First off, a skittish unpredictable vehicle is far more difficult to target with a gun, let alone approach per scenario #5. More importantly, you get to find out just how committed the other driver is. If the other driver backs off after you goose the gas and put 1/4 – 1/2 miles between you, you probably have nothing to worry about aside from checking the rear view once in a while to make sure you're not being followed. If, on the other hand, the guy readily follows you through red lights, stop signs, and such, now's a VERY good time to dial 911, put them on loudspeaker/handsfree, and not stop for ANY(!!!) reason other than a police officer pulling you over.

    P.S. Do get into the habit of locking all your doors from the inside right after buckling up if you car doesn't do it automatically like mine does.

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