Part of my everyday spiel when I’m having someone sign a citation, is when I ask the violator if they have had any citations in the last 18 months. Sometimes, I’m met with a despairing “Yes”. Sometimes, it’s a confident “No!”. The purpose in asking them this question is so I can roll right on into the “Hey, you can go to traffic school and this won’t affect your insurance, blah, blah, blah” routine.
On occasion, though, I get my favorite response: The Bizarro Statute of Limitations.
*Lately, I have been eating up The Walking Dead on AMC (Shame on you if you haven’t been watching). This brilliant show has been followed immediately by Comic Book Men with Kevin Smith. It has rekindled my love of comics. Thus, Bizarro.
For those of you lacking in comic knowledge, Bizarro world (or Htrae…figure it out) is a fictional planet in which opposites rule (layman’s terms). Follow the link for more info. The point is that our understanding of the statute of limitations is basically that once x-number of years has passed, one can no longer be prosecuted for a given crime.
Well, in Bizarro world, the statute of limitations is where one hasn’t received a citation in so long, that one is entitled to an automatic freebie.
The interaction will go something like this:
MC: Any tickets in the last 18 months?
BV (Bizarro Violator): I haven’t had a ticket in over 10 years!!
MC (What I’d like to say version 1): That was a nice run.
MC (What I’d like to say version 2): Guess you just haven’t been caught.
MC (What I usually say…at least before the *): Excellent, that means you’ll be eligible for Traffic School. *Cue game show music and sultry hostess. Today, you’ll be allowed to attend one of umpteen million different traffic schools. Like comedy? We’ve got you covered? Love deep dish pizza? We can make that happen. Are you a mom on the go? We have our
home online version just for you.
Folks, there is no clock on your car that displays how long it’s been since your last (if ever) ticket. I applaud you if it’s been eons since you last had to sign a citation. Truly. Kudos. Well played. Unfortunately, if you get stopped…you still deserve it.
Image courtesy of Flickr and Corey’s Toybox