Bizarro Statute of Limitations

Part of my everyday spiel when I’m having someone sign a citation, is when I ask the violator if they have had any citations in the last 18 months.  Sometimes, I’m met with a despairing “Yes”.  Sometimes, it’s a confident “No!”.  The purpose in asking them this question is so I can roll right on into the “Hey, you can go to traffic school and this won’t affect your insurance, blah, blah, blah” routine.

On occasion, though, I get my favorite response: The Bizarro Statute of Limitations.

*Lately, I have been eating up The Walking Dead on AMC (Shame on you if you haven’t been watching).  This brilliant show has been followed immediately by Comic Book Men with Kevin Smith.  It has rekindled my love of comics.  Thus, Bizarro.

For those of you lacking in comic knowledge, Bizarro world (or Htrae…figure it out) is a fictional planet in which opposites rule  (layman’s terms).  Follow the link for more info.  The point is that our understanding of the statute of limitations is basically that once x-number of years has passed, one can no longer be prosecuted for a given crime.

Well, in Bizarro world, the statute of limitations is where one hasn’t received a citation in so long, that one is entitled to an automatic freebie.

The interaction will go something like this:

MC: Any tickets in the last 18 months?

BV (Bizarro Violator): I haven’t had a ticket in over 10 years!!

MC (What I’d like to say version 1): That was a nice run.

MC (What I’d like to say version 2): Guess you just haven’t been caught.

MC (What I usually say…at least before the *): Excellent, that means you’ll be eligible for Traffic School.  *Cue game show music and sultry hostess.  Today, you’ll be allowed to attend one of umpteen million different traffic schools.  Like comedy?  We’ve got you covered?  Love deep dish pizza?  We can make that happen.  Are you a mom on the go?  We have our home online version just for you.

Folks, there is no clock on your car that displays how long it’s been since your last (if ever) ticket.  I applaud you if it’s been eons since you last had to sign a citation.  Truly.  Kudos.  Well played.  Unfortunately, if you get stopped…you still deserve it.

Image courtesy of Flickr and Corey’s Toybox


Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

5 thoughts on “Bizarro Statute of Limitations

  1. Don’t forget another popular excuse: “But Officer, I NEVER do this!” …Well, you just did it. Congrats; here’s your ticket. 😛

  2. Have you ever had someone tell you that if haf you stopped and cited them for anything other than what you cited them for they would accept it and kick themselves for being so stupid, but you’re citing them for the one thing that they will never do?

    I ask that bc a few months ago I got stopped for not wearing my seatbelt, problem is I’m the seatbelt nazi, I ALWAYS wear my seatbelt and give people hell for not wearing theirs especially if they’re riding in my car (i have pulled over in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere on the 5 and told a friend to get out of my car and walk bc he wouldn’t put his seatbelt on). I would have taken a ticket for anything else and blamed myself for it. Fortunately for me the officer believed me and let me go because I was straight up with him.
    I know people use the “but I never do this” excuse plenty but have you ever had someone who you genuinely believed? (I don’t know what this has to do with this post but it came to me while I was reading so I asked)

  3. Version 2 would relieve any stress you’re feeling ……….temporarily.
    Perhaps version 2 should be left until your last cite on your retirement day.
    Also (you better sit down for this one) until now I have never heard of Bizarro world. I shall have to check out that link and hope it’s enough to make up for my obviously deprived childhood. Sorry.

  4. I regularly use version 1. I’ve used version 2 on a few occasions. When they say they “never” speed I ask “Then why did you choose today to start?”.

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