This is a different kind of Ask MC post.
Usually, these posts are reserved for you, my readers, to ask me questions about either cop-related or traffic-related issues. You may have come to know me as the Dalai Llama of traffic, but with a much more bitchin’ head of hair.
Huh? You haven’t?
Okay, fair enough. Wait…you meant the Dalai Llama part, right? ‘Cause I gotta tell you, the hair. Oh, the hair.
No, friends, this Ask MC post was supplied by hundreds (and by hundreds I mean at least a couple dozen) of citizens during a traffic stop for speeding. It goes a little something like this:
MC: I stopped you for speeding.
Quizzical Driver: But how is that possible, sir? It is surely impossible that my vehicle, a late-model Porsche, could possibly travel at such a speed over the posted (insert speed limit here).
Well, QD, I’m so very glad you asked.
See, I’m no mechanical engineer. I’m not Mr. Goodwrench. Hell, I grin from ear-to-ear each day when I turn the key on my various vehicles and hear the engine turn over. I don’t have the first bloody clue how the internal combustion engine operates.
Could be the devil’s magic for all I know. Could be a shaman beats me to every car I’ve ever driven by 30 seconds, kills a chicken, does a little dance and *poof* magicy-magic car go putt-putt.
I do know this, though: When you push your foot down on the pedal that is located furthest to the right, it makes the car go faster. People that make a whole lot more money than me had the wherewithal to name that pedal the “accelerator”.
What’s more, when increasing pressure is supplied to this pedal of acceleration, it causes your vehicle to increase its speed. They are directly proportional.
Again, I know.
The amazing fact behind all of this voodoo is that the foot that is pressing on Satan’s pedal, as I’ve come to know it, is the driver’s. That is to say, QD, it’s yours. You are responsible for the speed of your vehicle.
Can you believe that shit?