Are you out of your damn mind?

I was conducting some follow up in a local neighboring city yesterday. As it happened, the Wife happened to be in the area as well, so we met for lunch. A much appreciated gesture as I have had a wicked long week.

So, here we are at a little hot dog place. I’m enjoying my cheese dog (catsup only, thank you). I am, as most officers are apt to do, sitting with my back to a wall keeping an eye on the door and my Motor.

I see this scroat looking teenager (17-18) step off the sidewalk near my bike. He looked at my Motor and I swear I saw him sneer and he spit. On my bike. Now, I’m not saying he horked up a big one and landed it on the seat, but he definitely sprayed the front fender.

I. saw. red. I came up out of my seat. I’m not really sure what I said, but the Wife saw me and said, “What’s wrong?” Again, I’m not really sure what my response was, but I assure you I was out the front door with a quickness.

I yelled to this little asshole, “Hey!” A little caveat here….

There’s ‘yelling’ and there’s cop yelling. My family refers to me sometimes when I’m speaking to someone as having “that cop voice/tone”. It’s a, shall we say, commanding tone. I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a large, intimidating physical specimen….but I got the fucking voice down pat. A lot of times it’s not so much what you say, but how you say it. Tone and body language are the key. I digress…

Little Asshole (we’ll call him Lil A if for no other reason than it’s more literarily amusing) looked up and froze. Deer in the headlights time. I strode (not walked) up to him and said, “Did you just spit on my fucking bike?”

All Lil A managed was, “I missed.” Really? You missed, Lil A? Know what that says to me? That either says you intended to hit it and you just suck or the thought had previously occured to you that you just might hit it and you thought you’d roll the ‘ol dice on that one. Either way, you’re a fuckwad and I’d just as soon punch you in your pimply little face as continue to embarras you in front of a restaurant and parking lot full of people.

What I said was, “Show some respect! Now piss off!” Had I to do it over again (at my lovely Wife’s suggestion) I should have snatched his ass up, grabbed some napkins and gotten my bike a nice little rubdown.

This is the state of the world I live in folks. I was in a nice part of the city. My bike has my department logo on it, so Lil A should be able to formulate the fact that I don’t work there. Lil A, however, was apparently so incensed at the mere presence of Law Enforcement, he decided in his muddled little brain to take swift action against an inanimate object. Throw your fist up in defiance, Lil A. You little bitch.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

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2 thoughts on “Are you out of your damn mind?

  1. I admire your restraint. I would not have had the…let's say emmotional maturity to not wreck vengence had I witnessed that. Was he just too pathetic or were there too many witnesses?

  2. FWIW, I turned to the hotdog vendor chick and said "He's so hot when he gets like this!". For Reals. She agreed, but don't get any ideas.