If Andy Rooney Were a Motor…

…this is what he would say.

You know what I don’t understand?  People that walk/drive/bike by where I’m sitting monitoring traffic, look at me with barely veiled disdain and shake their head in disgust.

What, do I have a third ear?  Is my hair a-muss (as if that were possible)?  What the hell is wrong with you people?

Oh, I’m hiding?  Is that it?

Well, here’s the thing.  I must suck at it because you saw me, didn’t you, Sherlock?  If I had a dollar for every time I stopped someone and they said something to the effect of “But, I saw you!” or “But, I know you sit there!” I’d be able to buy coffee for my partner and I for quite a period of time.

Know what else, though?  So what.

So what if I’m hiding.  A) It’s not illegal.  B) If you’re following the rules of the road you’ve got nothing to worry about.

I don’t waltz into my local sandwich shop for lunch and look at the dude making my pastrami and shake my head in disgust when he asks me mayo or mustard.  My God, man, shouldn’t you know that by now?  You disgust me!  The gall you have, sir!

I’ll tell you one last little secret.  You know what your condescension gets you?

My attention.

I assure you it’s something you don’t want.

Photo Credit: Flickr and theseoduke

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Snark is encouraged. Being a prat is not.

7 thoughts on “If Andy Rooney Were a Motor…

  1. HAHAHAAHAHA, i can’t count the number of times i’ve been riding with guys and we have someone pull up on us late at night or early morning and say that, their normal response is “oh shit? really? **backs up cruiser and angles it towards them if possible then turns on the high beams spot light and takedowns** “HOW BOUT NOW??” or they reply sarcastically “well shit, i guess i wasn’t tryin hard enough, sorry about that”. The guys i ride with are a pretty cynical and sarcastic bunch, don’t like the public doing stuff like that to them.

  2. Care to bet about whether these are the same individuals that would complain about the police not “doing something” about all those speeders/cell talkers/whatever if you weren’t there?


  3. Sneer in disgust when the subway man puts an ungodly amount of mayonnaise on your sandwich, because he deserves it after you say “just a little mayo, please.”.

    You can’t win. Either you’re doing your job and “keeping the working man/woman/illegal down” or you aren’t doing enough in the eye of the public.

    Hide away, good Sir!

  4. “look at me with barely veiled disdain and shake their head in disgust”

    You know what, that says more about them than you. You keep the roads safe so they should be shaking your hand not their heads. Could also be a cunning plan. If you’re too busy shaking hands you won’t be able to write those tickets.

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