Today, PoliceOne.com published a story on an actress that took to social media in response to a DUI charge. You can read the brief article here. But here’s the gist:
On June 5, 2012, actress Amanda Bynes tweeted the following:
“Hey @BarackObama… I don’t drink. Please fire the cop who arrested me. I also don’t hit and run. The end.”
Back in April of this year, she was arrested for DUI in California after allegedly hitting a police car. On June 5, she was was officially charged with one count of misdemeanor DUI. If convicted, she faces six months in jail. Let’s operate under the assumption that the last sentence is complete horseshit. You and I both know if convicted she won’t spend any near that much time in jail…if any at all.
(And if you didn’t know that, please let me know how the unicorns in your land have gotten by over the years.)
On May 27, 2012, Bynes tweeted, “I can’t help but laugh at all of you writing fake stories about me. I was not in any hit and runs. I don’t drink so the DUI is false.”
Pretty interesting since she refused to provide any blood or breath sample. For those of you that aren’t aware, California law requires a driver suspected of DUI to provide either a blood or breath sample. Refusal results in an automatic one year suspension of one’s driving privilege.
Yes, I said privilege. Because that’s what it is. Driving, like going to college, is not a right.
Another interesting factoid: the DUI section of the vehicle code includes both alcohol and drugs. Note that she tweeted that she doesn’t “drink”. Huh. Wonder what she had on board, then. Total conjecture, but you get the point.
Oh, Amanda, there are so many things you just haven’t had the benefit of learning. Allow me to take this opportunity to educate you on a few of them right now:
1. The president has two things to do with this case. Jack. And shit. He could no more fire the officer than fly to the moon on Falcor. And by the way, do you think our embattled president a) gives two shits about you and b) would bother hitching his wagon to your train wreck during an election year? What are you, drunk? Too soon?
2. You can’t defend yourself in a court of law via Twitter. You may actually have to show up to court. You know, like at your sentencing.
3. You seem to have been deluded by a small modicum of success in Hollywood into thinking that an individual at the federal level can save your dumb ass from your own stupidity on a local level. Please refer back to #1.
4. I know I’m getting older and all, but I had to look you up on IMDB.com because I barely know who the hell you are except for another ubiquitous bangtail from SoCal.
5. You owe me ten bucks for having never seen “She’s the Man”. I assume it was horrid and you should pay me for having to look up a movie you’ve starred in.
Amanda, I hope the cop that hooked you wrote the best damn report of his career. I hope he detailed every objective sign of intoxication you had. I hope he had a dash cam or even better, a body cam, and it documented every “Do you know who I am” and “Do you know who I know” you uttered.
At the end of the day, this DUI is going to be a speed bump in your maladjusted little existence because your agent/handler/sycophant will do all that he/she can do to jump start an obviously faltering career. It isn’t even the deuce that irks me, it’s your utterly asinine tweet to the freaking President of the United States.
Enjoy your year of suspension, nimrod.