I am always impressed with the
reasons excuses people come up with for why they violated whatever vehicle code for which I stopped them. If you’re a fellow LEO, I’m sure you’ve had similar experiences.
If you’re a civilian, you may be amazed at the tales that are woven on the sides of the highways and byways of this, our great land.
From the small-bladdered man to the doctor (I mean podiatrist) rushing to the hospital for his patient (read: he overslept and is late for his patient’s bunion removal), the human capacity for spinning a yarn is something with which cops are intimately familiar.
A recent stop was no different.
It’s something I’ve heard for years, but I’ve never posted about…until now.
Sitting in front of one of our institutions of learning, I caught me a speeder. She was doing 16 over the limit (41 in a 25). This is how it went:
MC: “Ma’am, I stopped you for doing 41 in a 25. I need your license and registration.”
Driver: “Oh, well, this is a new car and I’m not quite used to it.”
I remained professional and issued her a citation and wished her bon chance (because I took high school French over a quarter century ago and I like to keep the saw sharp). But, that wasn’t what I wanted to say.
This is what I wanted to say.
Ma’am, I understand the subtle nuances of a new car. Perhaps the ignition is in a different location. Hell, perhaps you don’t even need a key! Maybe you’re starter switch is beneath a flip-up lid and you press a red button to rocket you out of your garage like an F/A-18 Super Hornet.
You may now have that there satellite radio with umpteen channels. It’s a distinct possibility you no longer have to turn around to back up because the trunk monkey will hop out to assist you in the rearview camera.
Maybe gas is a thing of the past for you because your new car runs solely on dreams and kitten dander. You must get like 374 miles to the dander ounce. That’s pretty bitchin’.
But, you know what hasn’t changed?
That big pedal on the right!
When you push down on that sucker, you’re car (trunk monkey and all) picks up speed. You may think of it as accelerating.
Oooo! Come to think of it, that’s what they should call that pedal: The Accelerator!
So, while I appreciate the wild discrepancies between the two-year-old car you traded in (upside down, I’ll just bet) and the newest iteration (complete with two year’s worth of innovations) of the same damn car, I assure you the basic premise of the gas pedal remains the same.
One more thing, whether it’s digital, analog, or a freaking hologram, there is a number on or about your dashboard that should indicate to you the speed at which you are traveling.
I’m making note of this post…because in less than four years time, I plan on saying it to someone.
Not-so-coincidentally, the Powers That Be have told me they plan on being on vacation during my last week of employ.